Life is Pain

I've been working on getting job. A job that should help our family quite a bit. It takes more than just the regular shaking of hands, "Hi, how are you? Tell me about yourself and why you want to work here" type of ordeal.

I had already failed to pass the exam and would have to take it again. And I was up for doing the physical test. I wanted to make sure I was prepared. Part of the test would be running, and I have always been terrible at running. So I pushed myself to do suicides every couple of nights. I could start to feel the strain on my shins and my feet, so I took a rest. I went for a run a couple of days later. the pain was bad, and I only ran halfway out of fear I would continue to strain them and end up even worse. I had three days before the test. And I was stressed, so stressed about my damn shins. I rested and didn't workout at all-- aside from some yoga because I struggle to sit still and do nothing. The day of the test came, and I was worried. Would I be ok? Had I rested enough?

We started the run. Everything seemed fine, but not great. It was a short run and not a difficult time to make, but I really suck at running so I was nervous. Other people seemed to be doing about the same as me, that helped me feel better. After half way the pain came back. My shins started to hurt. Any attempts to try and sprint some of the way went out the window. I tried to keep pace. We passed a check point. We were almost done. "One minute and thirty seconds left!" They shouted. "OK come on Tricia. This is for your kids, so you can take care of them. This is for your life so you can support yourself and do the things you want to do. Come on!" So I pulled every ounce of strength I could and ran faster and faster. Not too fast, but faster. I crossed the finish line with a minute and six seconds to spare. I had done it. But the PAIN!!! Oh the PAIN.

It was awful! I thought I was going to be sick. My shins throbbed. I hobbled around as best as I could. I tried to act as normal as possible. Maybe if I kneel on the ground. Let me just get some water. Stretching? Perhaps if I stretch? OH Hell no! Don't stretch. OK lets just stand up. OH it hurts so bad. I can't take it!  I walked over and told them my time and got my paper. I walked to my car. I could feel the strain put on every muscles that had to help compensate. I went home and tried to get my daily push ups and sit ups in, but WOW was that hard. I had pushed myself so much. I hadn't done a long hard workout, but I had very little left to give. It was a feeling I had never felt before. Not on this level. But I did it because that's what you do. When it comes to surviving, taking care of your family, taking care of yourself you push and you fight and you give it everything you have got.

Life is pain. There is no way to escape it. We try so hard to bypass pain. We try so hard to keep other people from feeling it. But life is pain. And pain has it's own beauty and story to tell. I think we need to remember that pain, heartache and hardship are all a part of life. There are so many things out there that humans should not have to endure. Awful terrible things. The pain in this world never stops. someone somewhere is hurting, and that's the truth of it. We can change some things, but we also need to accept that sometimes pain is just the way of life.

But what I have seen countless times over in my life lately is this: don't let pain keep you from getting something better. I have seen examples I have watched people let their pain consume them and cost them things, and hurt other people too. We are not going to escape it. You have to get through it. But don't let it keep you from moving on. Don't let the past keep you from having a happier future. The hurt has taken so much, don't let it take more. We're all in pain. We're all broken. We are all recovering. I don't expect people to be in a perfected place, as I hope people don't expect the same of me. Take chances sometimes. Be honest and trust someone to understand.

Now I just need to prep for my second time taking the exam! I have got to keep pushing forward. Hopefully I can get this!!!