Let's face it, life being single has its superbly unpleasant moments. Just give online dating a try and you'll see what I mean.
It can also be pretty awesome. And sometimes I'm tempted to just remain this way. But for the most part, it seems, we have a drive to end the single state, and find ourselves a mate.
I'm never quite certain of how I'll meet my special someone. I try to keep my eyes peeled at all all times, and I try to remain open to all outlets, and ideas, for meeting people-- I can be kind of stubborn about some things.
So the other night I took a couple of my kids, and my nephew, to the pool. And as I was standing there trying to watch all the kids playing in the water, I spotted him: a handsome man, with wavey brown hair, piercing blue eyes and two cute little girls that he was watching.
So I started to look for signs and signals that he was, perchance, single.
You see the single life isn't so 'cut and dry' when you have kids. You may see a guy playing with his kids, with no mate in sight, but suddenly his wife shows up. Or you're talking to a guy at Chik-fil-a, and thinking, "We're really hitting it off!" Then he mentions his wife, who is at work at the moment. Dangit!
I usually assume if they see me with my kids their assumption is I'm married, or taken. And a wedding ring is not always useful. I went without a wedding ring for 3 years before my divorce, and I never got hit on. The ring thing is even trickier at the pool. Did they just take it off for swimming? You don't know.
So I watched him. We made eye contact from time to time. I didn't see another woman walk up to him while he was there. And, as a final check I looked for the ring. No ring! Sweet! I'm 90 percent sure this guy is genuinely available.
Next step: try and get close enough to talk.
Problem: my kids seemed to always be choosing the attraction he was leaving.
I tried to work it in. I tried to get close. I tried to get my kids to go to the same attraction. And when they refused?
"Hey, listen, there is this really attractive guy over at that pool playing with his daughters. Can we go over there, so Mom can meet him?"
Child shakes his head 'no'.
"No? Come on. Please."
Shakes his head 'no'.
"Come on! I'll give you a dollar."
Yup, I resorted to bribery, people.
Child shakes his head 'no'.
"What? You won't do it for a dollar? Come on. I'll give you a dollar, we can go over there and you can flirt with his two little girls. It's a win/win!"
Child shakes his head 'no'.
Damn!
Well fate finally put us in the lazy river at the same time. We even ended up in the whirlpool at the same time. Success!
Except for one thing: I'm too shy!
I look over at him. He looks at me and smiles. I smile back. Oh man! This is going good. Maybe he's actually interested in me too. Come on just a little bit longer and I'm sure a conversation will start. Oh my gosh! I think he's about to. . .
He leaves.
And pretty soon I see him walk out of the pool completely. Moment lost!
That's the other hard part about being single: being brave enough to assert yourself.
I don't know how to play this game. Do I slip him my number? Do I just be blunt? Do I sing the lyrics to a Carly Rae Jepsen song? How do you do this?
I wish there was an app where you could take a pic of a cute guy and send a pic and a message to his phone that said, "Hey it's the cute girl that saw you at (insert location) if you're single, and available, I'd like to get to know you better. Text me at (insert number).
I mean could someone just invent that please?!
Being single is fun, but it can be rough. You think they're plenty of fish in the sea. But the truth is you very seldom stumble upon someone who you are:
a) attracted to.
b) excited about.
c) has the same interests as you.
d) is the same age as you.
e) feels safe.
And let's not forget:
f) feels everything above for you too.
And being attractive has never made it easier. Assuming I'm attractive. Which I believe myself to be. All being attractive gets you is this:
The guy: "Wow! You are gorgeous! I love a ginger. And you like Star wars! You sound awesome!"
Me: Haha!" (Tries to start up conversations.)
*crickets chirp*
*guy is actually not interested in me at all and jumped the enthusiastic "hot girl that is a Star Wars fan" gun. He now either disappears. Or gets upset with me for trying to establish boundaries or figure out the interest level.*
The war goes on. I am ready for this battle. And, you know, being single isn't really all that bad. I see no need to settle. I don't need financial support. I am taking care of me and my boys just fine. I can learn to be happy alone just as easily as I can learn to be happy with someone. And. . .well. . .as far as intimacy goes. . .settling gets me nowhere. If sex is not an expression of love, its not worth having, in my opinion. So intimacy in a relationship, where I got married 'just because', would probably end up being pretty bland.
Just my thoughts, from my own experiences.
If I don't find someone I'll be fine. And if I do? I'm sure he'll be amazing! Because. . .well. . .let's face it. . .I'm pretty awesome!
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