Spiritual is the New Sexy

I have wanted to write this post for a while, but never could quite come up with a good delivery. Well I'm feeling the subtle spiritual jab to sit down and write the words that are spinning around in my brain. We'll see how this turns out.

****Disclaimers*****

• May not be for male readers, or at least those males who are friends of mine. Not saying that a man wouldn't like what he reads here. Just saying it may be uncomfortable for some. 
• This is full on proof of why I should never be a Yougn Woman's leader. Just saying, I warned you.
• If any of this comes across as offensive, or leaves a bad taste in your mouth, I apologize. I do not mean any offense, and I hope I can be inspired to write in a way that does not offend. And if you disagree that is perfectly OK. This is about me, my journey and what I learned.

Shall we begin?

I've always loved dancing. I've been enchanted by it my whole life. As a child I loved skirts that twirled when I spun in circles. I tried, several times, to take a dance class but never felt graceful or beautiful when I did. Even as a child I said, "I just want to dance. I don't want to be told what steps to do." This still rings true. When I free dance I feel graceful, beautiful and feminine. It has been a great way for me to meditate and seek emotional balance. Dance is a creative art form that helps me to express my emotions. Especially when they become overwhelming and out of control. I have had so many spiritual experiences while dancing, and it has become such a precious part of me and my life. And I have to say, that still nothing makes me feel more beautiful than dancing in a skirt that twirls when I spin. What can I say? I'm young at heart. 

One evening I was exercising and dancing, but something was in the back of my mind. I went and searched on the computer and found out something more about the mysteries of my then marriage that brought on more pain. This thing was new to me, but not entirely new, if that makes sense. What I had discovered had happened a couple years prior and it was all part of mystery I had already uncovered. I already knew this kind of thing had happened, but this was the first time I saw this particular one. Sorry that was all sorts of confusing. Since this had happened so long ago there was no point in starting another fight about, or opening those doors again. I went out and tried to continue with my exercising. I lifted my weights above my head and began to shake my hips. Then, my arms dropped, my body slumped and I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes. The shame poured all over me. The thought of moving my hips, the thought of doing something "sexy", made me feel like I was nothing.

It took me about a year to rediscover the joys of dancing and moving my hips. Woman's power comes from their pelvis. Moving and swaying your hips is a very beautiful and feminine thing. It is not dirty. It is not bad or naughty. It's something that women do naturally. Think about swaying to soothe a baby to sleep. This motion usually starts in the hips. I finally realized that swaying and moving my hips was just an expression of my creative and beautiful feminine self. I learned this through my dancing. 

But there was still one more step. . .

Through dancing I had learned to release the shame. I had learned to enjoy being beautiful and how to sway and move my hips. This became a very special thing for me. But I still had a fear. If a man saw me do this he would ruin it. He would take it and turn it into a dirty, naughty and shameful thing. He wouldn't see me being feminine he would think I was broadcasting, "I WANT YOU, IN THE BEDROOM, NOW!!!" I would once again become an object, a nothing, simply a means to an end. This was something I could not let happen. I would never dance let men see my dancing. Not that I could ever dance in front of people, period, mind you-- I've tried, and it just never seems to happen.

Why did I have these feelings?

I had been objectified in my marriage, and in other parts of my life. I had been turned into a sexual object and I had turned myself into one. Did those that did this to me know what they were doing? Not really. Heck, I didn't know I was doing it to myself. Objectifying people, and sex, is something that happens often in our society. It's all over TV and in the media. Sometimes we bring these same theories into our personal lives without knowing the damage they can cause. I remember all the pain brought about when I saw women being objectified. I swore I would never be objectified again. I'd change how I dressed, how I moved, whatever I had to do. Being desired sexually made me feel worthless, I didn't want that anymore.

There was also an incident in high school directly related to dancing. As I teen I honestly was innocent to the idea of what it meant to have a guy "want" you. I thought if I looked hot and sexy, and caught all the boys' eyes, that it meant they like me as a person and thought I was a really cool girl. I didn't realize that this isn't always the case. Do you need initial physical attraction to be drawn to someone? Yes. But this physical attraction is not all there is to building a relationship. Anyway. . .I was dancing at this dance. Doing dance moves I had seen on TV. Dance moves that I thought were sexy and would lure me a mate. Well. . .I didn't realize what signals I was sending out exactly. Next thing I know a boy comes up to me and starts gyrating by me. I was horrified! I slunk into a shell and escaped to a different part of the room.  

I may refer to this story again later.

So what to do now? I had learned about being objectified. But I was still not allowing myself to be fully feminine because of my fear of being objectified. I had my rants. I went on about how disgusted I was with men. But then I learned something. I learned this upon meeting my guy. Cheese factor, I know. But really he helped me. Feel free to relax any shocked faces because it has nothing to do with THAT ;).  

First of all, he helped me to become my feminine self again. In a spiritual sense we all consist of both masculine and feminine. These need to remain in balance, or else we become unhappy. My marriage had caused me to have to become more masculine, and some of my feminine rolls were taken from me. I didn't realize this. Nobody did it on purpose. It was just an unfortunate imbalance of that relationship. Than I met my new guy slowly I started to rediscover more of my feminine side. I had less and less shame of showing my femininity and began to remember a part of me that had, somewhat, disappeared. I started dressing up, and enjoyed feeling all pretty again. I remember my guy wondered if I was making these changes just for him. I assured him that this was part of who I was. I had just forgotten. I thankfully have a friend that can confirm this for me. 

He also taught me another important lesson. One night my guy started telling me stories about all the guys at work that checked me, and the other girls at work, out. What? No! I don't want that. OK maybe it was a little flattering. I mean I like my body, but I didn't think it was worthy of being checked out. But still, I didn't want to be objectified. No! 

Then I realized something: If I dressed for me, if I looked cute for me, if I danced for me and not to try and impress the opposite sex, well then they couldn't take anything away from me. They can't objectify me unless I let them. I also have to say that these guys weren't perve's or anything. Guys are just going to notice a beautiful woman whether they are single or married. They were designed, for the most part, to be drawn to a woman for her beauty and feminine form. Sometimes this attraction can get a little skewed, no doubt. I can't change that. But they can't take something from me unless I let them. As long as I do what I do because it makes me feel happy, and one with myself, then it doesn't matter what someone else tries to turn it into it, I own it and not them. 

This Brings on Another Part of the Story. . .Shaming

I already mentioned shaming. I shamed myself. Shame exists, and often surrounds sex. I do not, I repeat: do not, like shaming! OK, I'm getting off my soapbox now. The point is that we have natural hormonal responses to certain things. These responses are normal, and natural-- like I said. They are not dirty or wrong. I do, however, believe that there are ages where we may not fully understand all the consequences of acting on these responses. I know I did not fully understand these things when I was younger-- refer back to the high school dancing story. Are these responses bad? No. However, the acts one chooses to do because of them can become unhealthy mentally, physically and spiritually.So handle with care. The most important thing is control. Don't let something have control of you. I believe we fought hard to have our agency here on earth. And yet we can give it up so easily. We can ask others to make important decisions for us in the name of "just seeking advice". We can become the slave to addiction. And these hormonal responses can become so strong that we can end up hurting ourselves, and sometimes others, when we act before we think. 

I remember feeling shame my whole life. I felt ashamed of my body and it's responses. I was ashamed of that "time of the month". I was ashamed of being a woman. I shamed my female body for simply doing what it was made to do. But I didn't have to shame myself. These things were normal. But, I believe, that these responses should be used as an expression of love. Sometimes that can be a hard thing to do. But I truly feel, if we use them for this purpose, that it will bring about the most peace.

Why do I believe this?

Because spiritual is the new sexy! To me sex is not a dirty thing, it is not simply for amusement or to have a good time. It is very spiritual. This is something I have greatly hungered for and researched. My ears always perked up when discussions about sex came up. I thought I knew what it was. I talked freely about it in my youth. I never believed it was right to shame people for having those desires, or choosing to act on them at differing times in their lives. But I still had not fully escaped shaming myself. I had let in control me, I had let it define, I had put all my worth in it, I believed my sexuality was my biggest asset in luring a mate. And by doing these things I destroyed myself. I then had to rebuild myself. I knew sex was important I just had to figure out why. I had to figure out what it was supposed to be. I had to realize that being sexy did not automatically mean I became an object. I had to learn sex was not love. It's an expression of love. And when it is used correctly it is an incredibly spiritual and amazing gift. 

Being Feminine and Loving it!

Now I dance. I still don't really dance in front of people, not that I have really tried. But I dance, and I just immerse myself in the femininity of the dance. I shimmy and shake my hips. I spin and twirl, sometimes in a twirly skirt. I just embrace being a feminine, spiritual being. My worth isn't in my sexuality, nor does my sexuality own me. I own it, and I love it instead of shaming it. This has been my journey. It's not for everyone. I encourage all to seek their own spiritual journey if they feel they should do so. This was just my own, personal experience. I was broken, and I sought what I needed to become whole again. Being whole is an ongoing effort, but that's what life is all about. 

Thanks for sticking with me! Now go put on a twirly skirt and dance your heart out! :)