Taken by Emily Pearl Photography
P.S. Enjoy a short photo montage of the year as you read.
I have to say 2013 wasn't my worst year. The beginning was full of PTSD, and stress. I cracked numerous times under the pressure of trying to pass my EMT class, work, take care of kids, etc. And I even filed for divorce-- but ended up canceling it. But even so 2013 is not the worst year. I would sooner toss 2012 and 2011 out the window as I drive my car on this road of life. But still I'm not sad to say goodbye.
Watched this little guy go from a baby to a toddler in a snap-- I missed so much of his first year
Turned one in September
Do I look forward to the New Year? The New year has never been my favorite. I don't much care for January and February. I hate saying goodbye to Christmas. I really hate transitioning back to listening to non-Christmas music. And, most importantly, I don't like change. But I've learned to embrace the new year, and enjoy the time to make a fresh start and try to begin getting on top of things-- like my diet.
Got way too in the habit of taking selfies
But the more I think about it the more I find I really don't have any expectations or excitements for this new year. Sounds pretty depressing right? As much as I try to find a positive and excited out look the side of me that can't stand uttering a single word that feels even slightly dishonest won't allow it. But I don't find it depressing. It doesn't mean that 2014 is going to be a horrible year, or that my life is completely terrible and full of nothing to look forward to. It just means that I can't find a way to put my feelings into words in a way that feels honest.
Easter and Summer
Boys and injuries. Kids and getting sick.
There are some things I am excited for. I have some new savings ideas for our family. And some new projects for our food storage. I have lacked the energy to stick with plans to save money and pinch every penny for quite some time. But now I'm feeling ready to obsessively get our lives in order again.
Watched my business take off like crazy thanks to all my amazing friends.
I'm hoping to help my kids learn to earn and save money as well. I want to teach them good habits.
Got into natural healing and selling doTERRA
Learning to accept that even if I can't create a masterpiece what I can do is good enough
Finally planted something in our "garden"
Tried raising chickens until the city found out, oh and we only ended up with a rooster
Saw my husband in uniform.
Got a new dog that became a great friend to our little guy.
I'm very close to my associates degree. One more semester and a completion of my math courses, and I should have my associates, and the ability to apply for the paramedic program-- maybe even nursing school. That's crazy! I've never come this close to completing goals. But of course the sooner I'm done with school the sooner I have to start paying on student loans. YIKES!
Completed an EMT course even when I was certain I would fail. I should finally get my certification.
I'm excited to try and get back to my goal of reading one book a month.
School
And I'm halfway through writing a book. This may be the year I finally reali1ze my resolution of submitting a book to a publisher.
Took kids to the zoo for the first time ever!
So 2014 should be a pretty decent year. Though I still see little hope of really getting my life back to the place I want it to be. It will still be crazy with school, my business, bills, kids, etc. And I probably won't ever see the days again where I had schedules and routines, and where everything felt good and under control and not like a total mess.
Us in 2009. The last time I remember life making sense. Photo taken by Tilt Photography
I'm going to make an effort to try and get back there. I've been trying for a while. I've been hitting the reset button over and over again throughout the year of 2013. But for everything I do to try and get our lives back in order, everyone else seems to do 5 things to keep us off course. Oh well, we're just at a crazy stage in our lives. Even so, I feel ready to try a few new things with the new year.
Enjoyed fall including talk like a pirate day, Halloween and my Birthday
Oh and Surgery(not so enjoyable) and Thanksgiving.
I can still totally rock a fruit tray.
I can't really say I feel excited about any gallant leaps, or big changes, or finally coming to a good place in 2014. But I can't really say that feels as discouraging as it sounds. I don't have a super positive and chipper outlook on life. But I wouldn't say I dwell on the depressing things either-- well. . .maybe just a little. I think I just find positivity in the moment and try to be happy with the things that make me happy no matter how hard life is.
Enjoyed several trips down south including to the cousin reunion and a visit right before Christmas.
When I look at the future I'm certain of one thing, It will bring more hardship. Do I look forward to that? Not exactly. But I can look forward to the fact in knowing that I will probably find a way to laugh everyday and my kids will probably do and say things that make me smile. I will slowly see myself accomplish goals I never thought a person like me was made to accomplish. And that through all those hardships I will learn more and enjoy a moment of clarity. I really don't see it being possible to get to a point where I can say my life is good and exactly how I want it to be. But what I do see possible is laughing, singing and dancing everyday even if there are tears thrown in the mix as well.
Said goodbye to Grandma A
Perhaps my life would be better if I planned for a more positive out come in the distant future instead of just planning on taking positivity one day at a time. I'm working towards that future as best as I can, but I still feel very uncertain about what it will bring. I don't know if my education will pay off. I don't know if I have what it takes to take care of and raise my kids. I have to admit it kind of freaks me out to think of being responsible for these four for the rest of their lives. I don't know if I can do it. So I just always go back to taking it day by day.
Made some incredible friends
So I guess I will say, "Bring it on 2014! I'm ready to kick your butt!" OK actually, no, I won't say that. I'm really not ready for more to come my way. I'm certain a break down once a semester is still going to be the norm. But we'll laugh and smile and try not to yell and just Pinky Pie
My new life mentor, Pinky Pie
(basically laugh and maybe throw parties) our way through this new year ;).
Enjoyed a Christmas unlike any we have ever had.
Including a Polar Express ride.
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