"Let It Go"-- Yes, I Even Had to Write a Blog Post About It

So I wanted to write this post a while ago, and this post from another blog inspired me to finally put one together. I thought this, along with my Pinky Pie posts, might lead some to thinking I'm a delusional crazy person, which may be partly true. The truth was I really emotionally connected to the song, and it was all I could do to keep myself from running to the nearest mountain top and belting it at the top of my lungs, complete with sparkly dress and fancy white hair. Have you ever heard a song that struck you down so deeply it was all your body could do to keep your soul from bursting out. I think this is why I love music. I think this is why I love singing. I just love so passionately conveying something that has so much of me in it I can hardly keep myself from disappearing completely into it. I hadn't loved a song like this for a while, and I consider it an awesome treasure when I discover new music. It's like Christmas Morning for me. And it's even greater when I can sing it fully charged with the emotions that I feel when I hear it, which I'm still working on with this song.

When I first heard this song I wasn't sure if I liked it, but then I found myself unable to stop humming it. Then I went to desperately wanting to sing it but not knowing the words. So I listened to it, and next thing I knew I was hooked. I "let go"-- haha :)-- of my skepticism and bitter self that tries to keep from overly loving, liking and being hopeful and just loved it. And I loved the idea of being so drawn in with the animation that goes along with the song that I struggled not to just act it out in my front room.

Why is this so important that I have to write a whole blog post about it? Well, because I haven't felt like that in such a long time. I used to get lost in Broadway and theater pieces all the time. But one summer working at a professional theater and it all became tainted. I had a really hard time going back to theater I loved. I even still tried to love what I loved about theater, but it was no use. It felt ruined. And then add on my other life experiences and. . .well. . .in all just became more tainted.. Loves stories, loves songs, song interests, you name it.

But on top of all that there's what this song's lyrics meant to me. As I sang the song I realized it had such a deep meaning for me. I had kept myself inside a frozen little shell since I found out about the affair, not knowing if I dared to let myself love or believe in love and happy endings. I didn't want to be bitter, but I was. I could no longer live in reality and still belive that life could be good and happy. I was fully immersed in the reality now, and I no longer dared to believe, or hope, in anything because it just hurt to much when it didn't come true to even somewhat of a degree.

Then there's the song "Let It Go" about how Elsa, the character that sings it, can finally let go and isn't held back by fear anymore. This is what it felt like when I finally realized I could learn to love and trust again if I started with loving and trusting myself and God. When I filed for divorce a huge weight was lifted. I felt happier then I had in years, and working towards a future felt so much more worth it. At first I thought happiness would come from realizing I could find a new love and have a new chance at a love story. But then I learned that it meant I needed to finally love myself, and be there for me. When I learned that I felt I could make things work with my husband. Investing in him was scary, but investing in myself, and God, was do-able. I needed to be strong in order to make our family strong.

Finally writing a post about my experiences was a "Let It Go" moment as well. You're told you would be wiser to keep these things between you and your husband and that sharing them is a betrayal and it is going to put a strain on your marriage. I do believe all of that is true. But if you could see the full on trauma that an affair causes it becomes an unfair thing to ask. It's all very real, and it's very hard to keep it from breaking you. So when I could finally wrote about it I could finally start to heal and "Let It Go". As a small note, I make sure to keep my husband in the loop, and get his approval for all my blog posts before I publish them.

In some sense this can leave me a little in the cold when it comes to friends, family and acquaintances. But I guess I just need to be like Elsa sometimes and say, "The cold never bothered me anyway." Haha! Yeah not entirely true, but I have to keep that risk in mind.

So that's another one of my in depth emotional experiences with an animated feature. I know it seems strange, but I do find myself relating to these things. When I was little I always knew my mom loved Cinderella. I bought her Cinderella stuff, she always watched the movie, she talked about going to see it in the theaters when she was younger, etc. Just recently she was giving me a pep talk about trying to stay happy and she said, "Watch happy movies. I like to watch Cinderella because I just want to be like her. She went through all this horrible stuff and yet she is happy and has no guile. And that is just such a good reminder for me" I really like that. Even though it's a fairytale you can still see that there are things that apply to real life. I think this is how I always viewed fairy tales. I didn't get lost in the fantasy. I related to the themes that applied to my reality.