I has just finished crossing the street, with my four little boys. We were walking towards the Provo Temple, to go through the tour as a my family. My parents were with me, and my brother's family would meet us there. Then we saw a man, holding a flyer telling us to go to the website "josephlied.com". I have seen this guy before. I usually give no never mind to him. He neither angers me, nor speaks of something I agree with. He's just a man who has formed a different belief, and feels he needs to spread the truth, as he knows it. But I know my truth, I am firm in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and I trust where he leads me. This man simply has another perspective, and I don't need to fear it. I was just planning on carrying on my way. But I then watched my Mom. She paused for a moment and simply asked the man, "How are you doing today?"
When I went to the Payson Temple tour I watched members hand this man bottles of water as they walked by. I was deeply touched by this, just as I was touched by the reaction my Mom chose to have. They both reminded me that differing beliefs don't have to be feared or ignored. And showing them kindness and understanding does not mean you have betrayed your God. This reminder is something I continue to strive to include in my life, and I am thankful for these examples that help to remind me of the many ways I can do so.
I was thinking the last few days about how much I have changed over my life. How much I have learned, and how many different perspectives I have come to incorporate. I thought I'd just jot down some of these things here to try and better keep track of them, and better explain them to myself. Hopefully I can keep it simple.
The beginning of a long list of crazy thoughts, and philosophies from the brain of Tricia
-Online dating taught me how meaningless being told you're beautiful can be. Men would just be so taken with my pretty face, and red hair, that they would jump all in. When they got to know me, however, they usually walked away. Being told you're beautiful is nice, but being told you're beautiful for everything you are is where the true compliment lies. When a man told me it right away it meant nothing to me. And all I could think was, "I am more than just red hair! Do you really think you can handle all I am?"
-On that same note, I can handle a man simply finding me attractive, and understand that that doesn't mean they are looking for a relationship, or that they like my personality. But it feels weird when a guy does get to know me, but still seems to have blinders on. When this happens I tend to think to myself, "I realize I have a decent figure, and my butt does look pretty good in these pants-- why thank you, I have been working out-- but underneath all these clothes is the body of a woman who carried four babies, two of them at the same time. I'm no swimsuit model. Not to mention I'm kind of weird. Are you sure you can handle it?" I had a guy completely obsessed with the fact that I like superheroes and Star Wars, and he kept trying to plan a hook up because of it-- any guys that may read this, if you're thinking it's you, it's not you. Its just a weird feeling when someone tries to make you into their special someone. There are plenty of fish in the sea. No one should try and convince themselves they care for someone out of fear that they may not find anyone else. Even if we don't find anyone, it's better than trying to convince ourselves we could be happy with whoever happens to be around. Trust me! I have learned from experience.
Me and my gorgeous friend catching a cheap flick. We looked much hotter in reality
-I work out to instrumental, and classical music. In fact music plays a huge role in my emotional well being. It's hard for me to waste one second of the beautiful gift of hearing on anything but amazingly fantastic music. I want all my music listening experiences to be filled to the max with the best music I can possibly find.
-I like my body. I really do. I mean, I'm not going to lie. When I see a girl who is built differently, naturally thin and slender, with a different frame than mine, I feel like a mammoth. But then I reach down and feel the strength in my calf muscles. I look at my biceps, that are getting a little more shape. And I remember what my body is. I'm not built slender and small. There's nothing I can do about that. My body is what it is. And to me it is strong.
-Challenge Accepted! Actually not really. I've come to realize that someone having a different viewpoint than mine, is not them challenging my beliefs. People come to different conclusions and different philosophies because of their different experiences. And if you take a minute to learn about those experiences, you'll understand their reasons better. It doesn't mean I have to argue, and say they're wrong, to prove I'm right. It doesn't mean I need to get defensive. It just means I need to sit back and listen, and enjoy having the opportunity to, step outside my box, and learn about a different perspective. If I feel like my beliefs are being challenged, than I need to go home, meditate and pray, and find my answers again.
-God goes with me everywhere and he's a part of every conversation. I don't think God would be afraid to go with me anywhere. He's seen it all and heard it all. I don't need to check God at the door just because I want to laugh at a dirty joke with the guys in the shop. To me, every thing relates to God, and I talk to him about every thing I enjoy and like to do.
-It can be so easy to objectify people. And I have worked really hard to try and make sure that I don't. It's hard, and I mess up a lot. But it's really important to me to remember to see the person behind every weird comment, rude gesture or odd traffic violation.
-I want to do my best to respect everyone, even if they are not respecting me. It's a challenge for sure, but I want to make sure I am respectful of everyone's thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It can be hard because I think we all feel our own feelings matter more. But I constantly remind myself that this is how I want to be.
-I think there is a difference between gossiping and discussing and relating. I just do.
-Sometimes I want to try and keep someone from having to endure the hardships I have had to endure. But then I realize I should not rob them of their experiences. It's my job to put my story out there. What people learn from it, and when, is not up to me.
-Relationships are hard. Just when I think I have things pretty figured out I am sent another challenge. At times I think there is really no reason to fight over anything, but then I a situation arises, and I struggle to find a way to handle things gracefully. I am still trying to figure out how to simply have relationships with friends and acquaintances. I am not certain if I am up for the challenge of another romance anytime soon.
-I gave a friend a book to read, with a warning that it could be triggering. She simply said she would be fine, and if it triggered something it simply gave her the opportunity to work on herself. A trigger lets us know of a part of ourselves that needs healing. Having a trigger allows us to realize this so we can heal it. What a wonderful perspective. I have tried to remember this.
-When I let someone make me mad, sad, angry, unhappy I give them power over me to do so. When I realize I can take back that power I find a new source of strength and power. Taking control of myself and my own emotions is the hardest, most stressful, most liberating and powerful thing I have learned to do.
-I don't feel I can judge anyone past, present or future. I don't believe I could ever fully understand anyone and why they made the choices they made. Nor do I believe that I am immune from being tempted to make similar choices if I were in their shoes.
-If I find myself asking "How could they do that?" or "Why would they choose that and not this?" I am usually moments away from learning a very humbling lesson of just exactly how and why.
-When people make the choice to do horrible things it is usually through a long line of justifications that make total and complete sense to them. To them they aren't choosing to do something wrong. In their minds they are doing right. And crossing that line of good and evil, right and wrong, could be easier than I believe it to be.
-I need to love myself fully, and enjoy every inch of my personality.
-I will not shame myself. Denying certain parts of who I am because I perceived them to be a sin only led me to being unhappy and bitter. Instead of shaming myself I just needed to learn how to live with those parts of myself in a healthy way. Embracing them, and finding out what those parts of me needed to feel to be fulfilled has led to great happiness.
-I believe the greatest way to make the world a better place is to take care for those in your circle. I can't take care of everyone. I can't end world hunger. But I can take my neighbor cookies when they are having a bad day. And I need to let that be enough.
-I am only as limited as I allow myself to be.
-Men and Woman are different, and play by different rules. Assuming one should be like the other is a mistake. Shaming one for not being like the other is a mistake. And assuming one plays by the same rules as the other is a mistake. I have simply learned to respect the other for what they are.
-I am not the teacher, God is. I could never fully comprehend all that a person is, what their mission in this life is and what lessons they need to learn. Some people may be teachers, but not me. My job is to love and to learn from others. Sometimes I forget this and I get angry with how someone has treated me, or I get upset about something that they said. I convince myself I'm just going to tell them how I feel, and that they need to learn this perspective, or take this into account. No, it never turns out good. I'll leave what someone else needs to learn up to God, and I will just continue to learn what I need to learn for myself.
-It is not up to me to determine what another person should be doing. One of the greatest analogies I ever heard was this: Imagine that whole human race is a body, with Christ as the head. Only the head knows what everyone should be doing. It is not up to the hand to tell the foot that what it is doing is wrong. Only the head knows. That really opened my eyes. I used to think people had to be taking a certain path in order to be doing the "right" thing. But now I realize that the right path can go off in many different directions.
-I am grateful I read Thomas Payne's theories on religion. It was extremely frustrating, but it helped me take a step back and really look at my beliefs through different eyes. It helped me see that what I believe is no more real than what another believes. I firmly believe the things that I believe, and I believe that they are true. But that doesn't mean everyone else's beliefs have to be false. We could all be wrong. We could all be right. We could all have some truths, and we could all have some lies. If I hear something that is different from what I believe I simply just take it into consideration, ponder it and pray about it. I don't have to simply dismiss it. In fact I usually find opening up to different ideas, opens up new doors and helps you explore even more of God's world.
Life is full of lessons. I have learned a great many more than this. But I should probably stop there. I have come so very far from the person that I once was. And yet the person I once was was key to helping me get to where I am. To those who actually read this, thanks! It was good for me to get all these thoughts written down. It helps me to see the world better, and hopefully be a better person.
-I like my body. I really do. I mean, I'm not going to lie. When I see a girl who is built differently, naturally thin and slender, with a different frame than mine, I feel like a mammoth. But then I reach down and feel the strength in my calf muscles. I look at my biceps, that are getting a little more shape. And I remember what my body is. I'm not built slender and small. There's nothing I can do about that. My body is what it is. And to me it is strong.
-Challenge Accepted! Actually not really. I've come to realize that someone having a different viewpoint than mine, is not them challenging my beliefs. People come to different conclusions and different philosophies because of their different experiences. And if you take a minute to learn about those experiences, you'll understand their reasons better. It doesn't mean I have to argue, and say they're wrong, to prove I'm right. It doesn't mean I need to get defensive. It just means I need to sit back and listen, and enjoy having the opportunity to, step outside my box, and learn about a different perspective. If I feel like my beliefs are being challenged, than I need to go home, meditate and pray, and find my answers again.
-God goes with me everywhere and he's a part of every conversation. I don't think God would be afraid to go with me anywhere. He's seen it all and heard it all. I don't need to check God at the door just because I want to laugh at a dirty joke with the guys in the shop. To me, every thing relates to God, and I talk to him about every thing I enjoy and like to do.
-It can be so easy to objectify people. And I have worked really hard to try and make sure that I don't. It's hard, and I mess up a lot. But it's really important to me to remember to see the person behind every weird comment, rude gesture or odd traffic violation.
-I want to do my best to respect everyone, even if they are not respecting me. It's a challenge for sure, but I want to make sure I am respectful of everyone's thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It can be hard because I think we all feel our own feelings matter more. But I constantly remind myself that this is how I want to be.
-I think there is a difference between gossiping and discussing and relating. I just do.
-Sometimes I want to try and keep someone from having to endure the hardships I have had to endure. But then I realize I should not rob them of their experiences. It's my job to put my story out there. What people learn from it, and when, is not up to me.
-Relationships are hard. Just when I think I have things pretty figured out I am sent another challenge. At times I think there is really no reason to fight over anything, but then I a situation arises, and I struggle to find a way to handle things gracefully. I am still trying to figure out how to simply have relationships with friends and acquaintances. I am not certain if I am up for the challenge of another romance anytime soon.
-I gave a friend a book to read, with a warning that it could be triggering. She simply said she would be fine, and if it triggered something it simply gave her the opportunity to work on herself. A trigger lets us know of a part of ourselves that needs healing. Having a trigger allows us to realize this so we can heal it. What a wonderful perspective. I have tried to remember this.
-When I let someone make me mad, sad, angry, unhappy I give them power over me to do so. When I realize I can take back that power I find a new source of strength and power. Taking control of myself and my own emotions is the hardest, most stressful, most liberating and powerful thing I have learned to do.
-I don't feel I can judge anyone past, present or future. I don't believe I could ever fully understand anyone and why they made the choices they made. Nor do I believe that I am immune from being tempted to make similar choices if I were in their shoes.
-If I find myself asking "How could they do that?" or "Why would they choose that and not this?" I am usually moments away from learning a very humbling lesson of just exactly how and why.
-When people make the choice to do horrible things it is usually through a long line of justifications that make total and complete sense to them. To them they aren't choosing to do something wrong. In their minds they are doing right. And crossing that line of good and evil, right and wrong, could be easier than I believe it to be.
-I need to love myself fully, and enjoy every inch of my personality.
-I will not shame myself. Denying certain parts of who I am because I perceived them to be a sin only led me to being unhappy and bitter. Instead of shaming myself I just needed to learn how to live with those parts of myself in a healthy way. Embracing them, and finding out what those parts of me needed to feel to be fulfilled has led to great happiness.
-I believe the greatest way to make the world a better place is to take care for those in your circle. I can't take care of everyone. I can't end world hunger. But I can take my neighbor cookies when they are having a bad day. And I need to let that be enough.
-I am only as limited as I allow myself to be.
-Men and Woman are different, and play by different rules. Assuming one should be like the other is a mistake. Shaming one for not being like the other is a mistake. And assuming one plays by the same rules as the other is a mistake. I have simply learned to respect the other for what they are.
-I am not the teacher, God is. I could never fully comprehend all that a person is, what their mission in this life is and what lessons they need to learn. Some people may be teachers, but not me. My job is to love and to learn from others. Sometimes I forget this and I get angry with how someone has treated me, or I get upset about something that they said. I convince myself I'm just going to tell them how I feel, and that they need to learn this perspective, or take this into account. No, it never turns out good. I'll leave what someone else needs to learn up to God, and I will just continue to learn what I need to learn for myself.
-It is not up to me to determine what another person should be doing. One of the greatest analogies I ever heard was this: Imagine that whole human race is a body, with Christ as the head. Only the head knows what everyone should be doing. It is not up to the hand to tell the foot that what it is doing is wrong. Only the head knows. That really opened my eyes. I used to think people had to be taking a certain path in order to be doing the "right" thing. But now I realize that the right path can go off in many different directions.
-I am grateful I read Thomas Payne's theories on religion. It was extremely frustrating, but it helped me take a step back and really look at my beliefs through different eyes. It helped me see that what I believe is no more real than what another believes. I firmly believe the things that I believe, and I believe that they are true. But that doesn't mean everyone else's beliefs have to be false. We could all be wrong. We could all be right. We could all have some truths, and we could all have some lies. If I hear something that is different from what I believe I simply just take it into consideration, ponder it and pray about it. I don't have to simply dismiss it. In fact I usually find opening up to different ideas, opens up new doors and helps you explore even more of God's world.
Life is full of lessons. I have learned a great many more than this. But I should probably stop there. I have come so very far from the person that I once was. And yet the person I once was was key to helping me get to where I am. To those who actually read this, thanks! It was good for me to get all these thoughts written down. It helps me to see the world better, and hopefully be a better person.
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