Happy Valentine's Day

It seems kind of crazy. I am here facing Valentine's Day without a special someone on my arm. A thought that used to depress me. A thought that used to lead to me facing this day with bitterness and cookie dough. But this year I feel none of that-- though I did still enjoy some cookie dough ;)

It seems a little funny to be writing this now, after the morning I have had. I spent the day trying to convince myself to get out of bed, and get on with it. But every attempt to do so led to conflicts and confrontations with my children. Me, feeling more under the weather than I had realized, did not handle this well. After my second attempt to try and pull things together, I threw in the towel and called my mom for help.

However even with this bumpy morning I still felt like I should write this post.

I actually find myself happy with where I am, and who I am, right now. I'm quite content with my life. I'm enjoying going out with friends, laughing at inappropriate jokes and watching movies I probably never would have seen on my own. I'm also enjoying my nights at home, working on my book, trying to fit in exercise and putting order back into our lives-- as best as I can at least.

There are times I am in wanting. There are times I wish I had this or that. But for the most part I just feel happy and content. I feel God's love for me, and feel him helping me fill in any emotional gaps that may exist in my life.

I actually am enjoying being on my own. I'm enjoying learning how to be alone. It gives me a chance to learn about myself, to straighten things out and to further figure things out. I think I actually have quite a few things to learn before I embark on romantic relationships again. So I'm happy for the opportunity to do so. I wish I had learned how to enjoy being single before I got married, but I am glad for the circumstances that have brought me to where I am. I think without them I wouldn't have been able to have found this place of peace, as I have now.

This Valentine's Day was indeed different. I wish I could have taken more joy in my kids this morning, instead of being sick and tired. But, even so, I was delighted to find I wasn't jealous or depressed as I watched other's celebrate with their special someone's. I was glad to find I didn't spend this weekend wallowing in self pity, thinking the only way to end the sadness is for my secret admirer to show up with a flower on my doorstep. I didn't get lost in a fantasy. I was just happy to be celebrating Valentine's Day, here and now, just as I am.

So that is my Valentine's Day post. I had a wonderful weekend watching the "Deadpool" movie with friends, getting a mani-pedi with my parents and even getting a new swimsuit. It was quite wonderful, not depressing in the least. I think I have enjoyed this Valentine's Day more than many other's in the past, including some of those where I did have a special someone in my life.