Have You Seen This Man?

Have you seen this man? Anyone? Anyone? Because I haven't. He disappeared without a word. He left my stuff on my doorstep and I never heard from him again. That was nine months ago. And now I'm left to attempt to unravel the truth, from the lies, with the little info I can manage to scrape up online. And all that info doesn't ever offer very clear answers.

I haven't shared all the facts from this story, in it's entirety, with everyone. At first I was trying to save a place for him. But now I've let go and I'm moving on.

I have felt a whole range of emotions on this subject. What I have discovered online, has led me to the conclusion that everything he told me, when he left last year, was a lie. Ever since than I have been sad, mad, angry, frustrated, hurt, etc. But mostly confused.

Why? Why would someone do that? Why would someone tell such an elaborate lie? Was it to get away from me? Do I take it personally? Was he just completely crazy? Does this set me back? Have I not worked on myself well enough to attract better men? I thought he was a better man. I thought he was a great man. Now I'll never really know what he was.

In the end I just need to let it go. I need to move on. And that's not too hard. And do you want to know why? Because throughout this whole process I worked with my Savior. I followed his promptings. I did as he asked. And it was hard. It was so hard. I cancelled many accounts on dating websites. I fought off urges to just go out and find somebody, anybody, to bring me a little comfort. I cried a lot. And I yelled a lot. And I got frustrated and didn't want to do it anymore. But in the end following the path the Savior led me down was the only path to take. Nothing else would be any easier. I knew that for sure.

So here I am. I reached the end of the chapter. I wanted to give up so many time, but then I'd hear this whispering, "Don't you want to see how it ends?" And so I would hang in there.

I loved this man. I truly did. And there was a time I thought he was worth going through Hell for. Well I went through Hell, but I didn't do it for him. I did it for me. I did it so I could be stronger. I did it so I could face this world fiercely alone. And because of that I am 10 times happier with who I am, and where I am. He probably didn't deserve me back then. And he most certainly doesn't deserve me now. And you know what? I don't think I want him anymore. I've changed too much, and I've caught a glimpse of something better.

God does amazing things. He has led me down amazing roads. I always feel quite crazy when I follow his promptings, which rarely make sense, but he always brings me out of the tunnel and shows me a world I could never have dreamed of. Time and time again. My story isn't over. My life is still TBA-- to read more about what this means go here. And I hope you'll stick around to find out what happens next.

After all, "Don't you want to see how it ends?"