Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saying Goodbye to Grandma
On November 9, 2013 we got a phone call from my mom. They hadn't heard from my Grandma A in a couple of days, and had gone to check on her. They found her passed away in her sitting room.
I wasn't sure what to think. It felt as though the loss should be affecting me more. We went to her house and waiting with my parents for the mortuary to come and take her body. Part of me wanted to go see her and say goodbye. But I didn't dare to to ask. They said the condition of her face would not be good, and we wouldn't want to see it. I almost wished I knew what to expect, so I could decide if seeing her face was something I could handle. For some reason I had a hard time remembering what she looked like. I have pictures from here and there, but non taken within the last couple of months.
While waiting at the house my 1 year old all the sudden started erupting in happy "Goodbyes". I wonder if he was saying goodbye to grandma. Was she there? Could he see her? I tried to see if I could feel her presence there, but I still didn't know what to feel at that point.
Later that night I thought of her and my grandpa together again I began to sing, as I often do when I'm alone, away from judging ears. I imagined my grandpa telling my grandma, "This is my favorite part about coming to the other side. I finally get to hear my granddaughter sing." Perhaps I'm to vain and think to highly of myself. But I wished so badly I could have shared this talent more. And I think my grandparents would've loved it if I could have sang for them. I have often hated that the family's infamous stage fright has held me back from performing in public. I so badly long to sing, and share all the emotions inside me through music. *Sigh* I guess I'll have to settle for writing them on this blog until one day when, perhaps, my stage fright can be healed.
Because of her condition we couldn't have an open casket either. That was harder than I thought it would be.
Her viewing was on Friday evening, November 15 and the funeral was on November 16. I helped my dad put the program together. My cousin, Kaitlyn, and I gave the life sketch-- we are her only Granddaughters. It was much harder than I thought.
Of course, the most amazing thing about funerals is the reunion you get with all your dear family and friends. I have to say, I have one handsome, and beautiful family.
Except for me. Blah! I look terrible here ;)
I know my Grandma and I share some similarities in our hardships. And this was always a good reminder for me to look at her differently than perhaps I always had. Goodbye Grandma. Thanks for all you taught me and the love you shared. The love you had for me and my boys blessed me in so many ways. We'll miss you always.
I wasn't sure what to think. It felt as though the loss should be affecting me more. We went to her house and waiting with my parents for the mortuary to come and take her body. Part of me wanted to go see her and say goodbye. But I didn't dare to to ask. They said the condition of her face would not be good, and we wouldn't want to see it. I almost wished I knew what to expect, so I could decide if seeing her face was something I could handle. For some reason I had a hard time remembering what she looked like. I have pictures from here and there, but non taken within the last couple of months.
While waiting at the house my 1 year old all the sudden started erupting in happy "Goodbyes". I wonder if he was saying goodbye to grandma. Was she there? Could he see her? I tried to see if I could feel her presence there, but I still didn't know what to feel at that point.
Later that night I thought of her and my grandpa together again I began to sing, as I often do when I'm alone, away from judging ears. I imagined my grandpa telling my grandma, "This is my favorite part about coming to the other side. I finally get to hear my granddaughter sing." Perhaps I'm to vain and think to highly of myself. But I wished so badly I could have shared this talent more. And I think my grandparents would've loved it if I could have sang for them. I have often hated that the family's infamous stage fright has held me back from performing in public. I so badly long to sing, and share all the emotions inside me through music. *Sigh* I guess I'll have to settle for writing them on this blog until one day when, perhaps, my stage fright can be healed.
Because of her condition we couldn't have an open casket either. That was harder than I thought it would be.
Her viewing was on Friday evening, November 15 and the funeral was on November 16. I helped my dad put the program together. My cousin, Kaitlyn, and I gave the life sketch-- we are her only Granddaughters. It was much harder than I thought.
Of course, the most amazing thing about funerals is the reunion you get with all your dear family and friends. I have to say, I have one handsome, and beautiful family.
Except for me. Blah! I look terrible here ;)
I know my Grandma and I share some similarities in our hardships. And this was always a good reminder for me to look at her differently than perhaps I always had. Goodbye Grandma. Thanks for all you taught me and the love you shared. The love you had for me and my boys blessed me in so many ways. We'll miss you always.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Who Knows, Maybe I Won't Even Post it
Sometimes I wonder if I got it wrong. If I'm telling the wrong story. Perhaps I'm that evil wife they portray on TV or in the movies. The one who doesn't appreciate their spouse. The one who doesn't show them the love they deserve, and criticizes everything they do. Who is cold and distant, unresponsive to all their vies for affection. Self absorbed and uncaring.
Sometimes I wonder if it was me. If it was something I did. . .that caused. . .the affair.
They call them victims. The one's who were cheated on. Victim's of an affair. How could I not see it? How could I not know, how deeply this thing could affect someone? How thoroughly it punctured through every layer of your self esteem and soul? How it planted an ugly seed deep inside you and would never let go? Instead it would stick around and whisper in your ear daily: "You were never good enough" "You never cared enough" "You aren't even worth loving by the one man who said he would love you forever" "Now you see how all those other guys you dated, or liked, were right to turn tail and run".
Sometimes leaving this life felt like an option worth considering. There is just nothing that can end that kind of pain. I cried everyday. I never wanted to get out of bed. Had it not been for my kids I may not have survived. But I woke up everyday and fought for a reason to live. I struggled to love the ghost that was once me. Photos brought bitter memories. Everything in our life was tainted now. I took my wedding ring off the day I found out. I never put it back on. In fact I sold it. But slowly we make new memories, and slowly those tainted things start to become clean again.
Two weeks after I found the texts, two weeks after I found out he had been unfaithful, I found out I was pregnant. What was I to do with this baby? How could I have a baby with a man I didn't trust? How could I be that vulnerable with him? But how could I do it alone? I have often found that I end up being pregnant during the most stressful times of my life, and somehow my body never transfers that stress to the baby. I know I should be thankful for that, and I am thankful, but it can also make things hard in its own way. I wasn't ready to have a baby. My mind could cope with IV's and spinal blocks. It all became a trauma of its own. But I had to do it. And as hard as it was I'm grateful. Grateful that all I had endure was a couple hours. I know c-sections aren't ideal, but I was grateful to have it this time around. Hours of labor, hours of being that vulnerable, would've killed me.
The trauma that is caused when a spouse is unfaithful is real, and very damaging. The day is embedded in my memory forever. I was hyperventilating. I couldn't speak. I just cried. When others would recount an experience there family member had with infidelity, unknowing that I had this experience as well, it would take all my strength to just keep walking, to just keep moving and to not just curl up in a ball, in the corner and cry. And just when you think the trauma is through PTSD shows it's face, and it can be even more debilitating than the first round.
The memories still haunt me. Every time I see his phone, or hear that he got a text. Every time I get on the computer and he has left his email account open. What will I find? What will it do to me when I find it?
You're told not to talk about it. It's your marriage and you need to keep it to yourself. You need to protect your family and your spouse. Other people cannot be trusted with the information. Well, it's true. Some people can't be trusted. Sometimes you'll regret opening your mouth. But other times you find a release and understanding that is so healing. Some choose not to share, and that is fine. But I need to share. The weight was too much. And I'm glad I shared because I think people need to know. I think people need to be more aware of what an affair does to someone, and that it could happen to anyone. These things can destroy someone's life forever. They put through a battle to reclaim their self worth that they may never win. I'm still fighting, daily.
Some people ask how do you take them back? How do you repair the trust? In some ways I haven't. I have instead put my trust in me and in God. It took so long before I was willing to even do that. I was so angry with God. I didn't want to be, but I was. Sometimes it's hard to forget and let go. How can I just let something go that impacted me so deeply? Something that I fought so hard to come back from? You can't just let something like that go. It has to mean something. Fighting that hard can't be all for not. But yet I need to forgive so I won't become bitter. Finding the balance is a struggle. What do I care about? What do I let go? I know I need to get to a place where his actions can just wash over me and not affect me, but that is a mountain I will be fighting to stay on top of my whole life.
Why now? Why here? I don't know why. Maybe I just want the attention, sympathy and praise that comes from stories like these. Perhaps there is a part of me seeking such things. But the part of me that really wants to put this out there is the part that just wants people to know the reality of infidelity and how it will affects people. I know some people don't agree with sharing things like this, and I respect that. I understand why, and I have taken it into consideration. I also wouldn't recommend that everyone share their story in this way. This is the route I feel is best for me when it comes to healing and moving on, but that doesn't mean it's for everyone. I have put many thoughts, and prayers into this, and I really feel it is what is right for me. I think some people are meant to be open and I think they are made that way for a reason. Who knows, maybe I won't even post this. We'll see.
Sometimes I wonder if it was me. If it was something I did. . .that caused. . .the affair.
They call them victims. The one's who were cheated on. Victim's of an affair. How could I not see it? How could I not know, how deeply this thing could affect someone? How thoroughly it punctured through every layer of your self esteem and soul? How it planted an ugly seed deep inside you and would never let go? Instead it would stick around and whisper in your ear daily: "You were never good enough" "You never cared enough" "You aren't even worth loving by the one man who said he would love you forever" "Now you see how all those other guys you dated, or liked, were right to turn tail and run".
Sometimes leaving this life felt like an option worth considering. There is just nothing that can end that kind of pain. I cried everyday. I never wanted to get out of bed. Had it not been for my kids I may not have survived. But I woke up everyday and fought for a reason to live. I struggled to love the ghost that was once me. Photos brought bitter memories. Everything in our life was tainted now. I took my wedding ring off the day I found out. I never put it back on. In fact I sold it. But slowly we make new memories, and slowly those tainted things start to become clean again.
Two weeks after I found the texts, two weeks after I found out he had been unfaithful, I found out I was pregnant. What was I to do with this baby? How could I have a baby with a man I didn't trust? How could I be that vulnerable with him? But how could I do it alone? I have often found that I end up being pregnant during the most stressful times of my life, and somehow my body never transfers that stress to the baby. I know I should be thankful for that, and I am thankful, but it can also make things hard in its own way. I wasn't ready to have a baby. My mind could cope with IV's and spinal blocks. It all became a trauma of its own. But I had to do it. And as hard as it was I'm grateful. Grateful that all I had endure was a couple hours. I know c-sections aren't ideal, but I was grateful to have it this time around. Hours of labor, hours of being that vulnerable, would've killed me.
The trauma that is caused when a spouse is unfaithful is real, and very damaging. The day is embedded in my memory forever. I was hyperventilating. I couldn't speak. I just cried. When others would recount an experience there family member had with infidelity, unknowing that I had this experience as well, it would take all my strength to just keep walking, to just keep moving and to not just curl up in a ball, in the corner and cry. And just when you think the trauma is through PTSD shows it's face, and it can be even more debilitating than the first round.
The memories still haunt me. Every time I see his phone, or hear that he got a text. Every time I get on the computer and he has left his email account open. What will I find? What will it do to me when I find it?
You're told not to talk about it. It's your marriage and you need to keep it to yourself. You need to protect your family and your spouse. Other people cannot be trusted with the information. Well, it's true. Some people can't be trusted. Sometimes you'll regret opening your mouth. But other times you find a release and understanding that is so healing. Some choose not to share, and that is fine. But I need to share. The weight was too much. And I'm glad I shared because I think people need to know. I think people need to be more aware of what an affair does to someone, and that it could happen to anyone. These things can destroy someone's life forever. They put through a battle to reclaim their self worth that they may never win. I'm still fighting, daily.
Some people ask how do you take them back? How do you repair the trust? In some ways I haven't. I have instead put my trust in me and in God. It took so long before I was willing to even do that. I was so angry with God. I didn't want to be, but I was. Sometimes it's hard to forget and let go. How can I just let something go that impacted me so deeply? Something that I fought so hard to come back from? You can't just let something like that go. It has to mean something. Fighting that hard can't be all for not. But yet I need to forgive so I won't become bitter. Finding the balance is a struggle. What do I care about? What do I let go? I know I need to get to a place where his actions can just wash over me and not affect me, but that is a mountain I will be fighting to stay on top of my whole life.
Why now? Why here? I don't know why. Maybe I just want the attention, sympathy and praise that comes from stories like these. Perhaps there is a part of me seeking such things. But the part of me that really wants to put this out there is the part that just wants people to know the reality of infidelity and how it will affects people. I know some people don't agree with sharing things like this, and I respect that. I understand why, and I have taken it into consideration. I also wouldn't recommend that everyone share their story in this way. This is the route I feel is best for me when it comes to healing and moving on, but that doesn't mean it's for everyone. I have put many thoughts, and prayers into this, and I really feel it is what is right for me. I think some people are meant to be open and I think they are made that way for a reason. Who knows, maybe I won't even post this. We'll see.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Are You a Pinky Pie?
So I have been a big "My Little Pony" fan my whole life. I have my entire collection of ponies saved from childhood. I played with my ponies all the time. I even wanted to grow to be a "My Little Pony"-- those closest to me have heard that story way too many times by now.
Recently we have started watching the new TV show with our kids. I should note we have all boys, but yet they love "My Little Pony". I was so excited to finally pull out the toys from my childhood for them to play with . I even bought them a Rainbow Dash which they sleep with every night. And me and my husband have been getting sucked into the series as well. In fact, sometimes I want to watch it even when my kids are asleep. I know, I'm super crazy.
I have since picked out a favorite pony and that is Pinky Pie. Soon after dubbing her my favorite pony. I noticed that I tend to always pick the cooky, little, crazy, fun loving, hyper active character as my favorite. This got me thinking, "Am I a Pinky Pie?"
My first reaction is no. I tend to be a highly depressed individual. I live very much in reality. I have protested my whole life that I will find a way to have my happy ending, but my dreams have been beaten down, and they are slowly fading away.
But as I look back on my life and see all the times that someone, or something, has attempted to beat-- not literally-- the happy, hyper, crazy out of me, or that my trusting, and forgiving nature has been taken advantage of, I have managed to hang on to a part of me that laughs and smiles and knows that reality totally bites but I can still giggle and throw parties.
I do live in reality. I'm very much aware of reality. Even though I seem to live in a fantasy, or think, or dream, things that are probably unattainable, I keep my feet firmly planted in the real world. I don't know if I can explain it. I have very much been affected by many hardships that are real and hard, and that have attempted to destroy my belief that there is happiness out there. But the happy side of me isn't rooted in what happens in my reality. It's rooted in me. My mood can swing terribly based on my surroundings and experiences. I have definitely let things get me down. And you certainly won't find me nearly as crazy and excited when my life is hitting a low. But even with all I've gone through I have still managed to find a way to laugh, smile and find joy. And it isn't by ignoring reality it's by laughing, and singing, and smiling in its face. :)
I may, at times, seem crazy optimistic and like I don't understand the darker side of things. I really honestly do. And I may, at times, seem like a big depressed doubter who has given up on life too. But I do know that there is still joy to be found. I just need my joy to be real. My happiness can't be rooted in some optimistic form of rose colored glasses. My happiness needs to be rooted in life, friends, family and knowing that I can laugh and smile even through the worst trials of my life.
Maybe being a Pinky Pie isn't about being this total crazy, happy person because your world is full of perfection. Maybe it's about being totally crazy and happy even when your world is falling a part-- you know, since Ponyville is full of all sorts of major disasters and hardships. Pretty deep for "My Little Ponies" I know.
I don't know if I'm a Pinky Pie or not. It would be nice to think of myself as that happy and optimistic. She really is my favorite! And I love my little Beanie Baby that my husband bought for me. It's so cute! I just think it's funny that I am drawn to these characters and all their craziness. Maybe it's something I aspire to be. I don't know. But I think I've managed to keep my happiness about me pretty well considering the things that have happened to me :).
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Girls Night Out MoTab Style
Back in July I had the privilege to join in on one of the most epic girls nights out ever. I am continually amazed that such an awesome group of women let me tag along for some of their adventures.
On this night we went to P.F Changs for dinner. WE went to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Pioneer Day concert
After that we headed out to find desert. We ended up at the Cheesecake Factory in Murray, I was dubbed the governor's wife and the evening ended with some car ride chatter.
I seriously had a blast with these wonderful women! Thanks for the amazing night!
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Tricia the Crazy DoTERRA Lady!
Those of you who know me may be wondering why I have all of the sudden become hysterically obsessed with DoTERRA. OK for those who are really close it may not be such a huge surprise because I tend to have an obsessive personality, and be dramatic and passionate about many things. But still I wasn't expecting to get as hyped up about natural medicine and essential oils as I did, so I wanted to share a little bit of my journey into the world of natural healing.
It all started with a book club. A super, awesome, amazing, life-changing book club ;). Friends from the book club got involved with DoTERRA- I should note that my book club friends are way more health conscious than I am. . .OK most everyone is way more health conscious than I am. They asked if I wanted to volunteer at a Symposium that DoTERRA was hosting. I was like, "Sure, why not. It's not totally my thing, but I'll take the free skin care kit and donate some time out of my life." I mean I wasn't against natural healing. I'm on guard about some things, especially when they say New Age. But I have just grown accustomed to the ways of doing things with medicines and doctors and such.
Slim and Sassy Drops. Help control appetite and can be used on trouble areas, to help with cellulite, etc.
Why did I like my medicine? I have used natural remedies before. For years I took a handful of supplements everyday: vitamin E to help my hair and skin, vitamin B to help my metabolism, vitamin C to combat illness, vitamin A keep warts away, etc. My mom would also look up different herbs to take for different things. The one that sticks out is plantar warts. For the most part things seemed to work. I mean the herbs eventually took away my warts. But it seemed to take so long. So I came up with this idea in my head, "If there's a vitamin good. If there's an over the counter drug better. If there's a prescription drug, BEST." So that's how I sought things out when it came to healing. I didn't doubt that natural ways worked. I just thought modern medicine worked better.
But I started to notice that medicines just weren't available for every ailment. Especially with kids. A lot of the time I started to feel like my hands were tied.My mind was constantly plagued with questions, "Is this a cough to worry about? Should I take them to the doctor, or will they be OK? Is it enough of an emergency to spend the money? Why can't we have insurance right now?" After fighting myself with these questions, I'd often sit through a stressful night hoping that my decision to not take my child in didn't turn into a horror story. Or I'd take them to the doctor and hear, "They look happy and healthy, nothing wrong here" or "Yeah they are sick, but it's a virus so there's nothing you can do."
I started to open up more and more to natural medicine as I talked with a friend of mine. She has always looked for natural remedies, and she said that natural remedies will work. The problem is we don't use them aggressively enough. It made sense to me, and so I decided I'd be open to the idea of natural remedies. This was when I went to the DoTERRA Symposium.
After hearing a couple classes I was totally hooked. I began searching my A-Z guide fascinated by the things essential oils could treat. I was so super excited I couldn't wait to try them all. Within a couple of hours of being at the symposium I was going over which oils I would most like to purchase that day. I loved sampling the oils. And I just told myself if they have a remedy for it I bet it will work. So I began searching. Skin care? They have a line of skin care products, I bet it will actually work. Weight loss? They have a line of weight loss products, I bet it will work.Hair care. . .and so on. . .
I can't explain it, but everything they said just made so much sense. How our bodies work, and how these oils work in our bodies to treat things. Then there were the success stories they shared. It was all awesome.
I guess I was way open to it to because I just see so many problems with modern medicine. Like anti-depressants or medicine for ADD. I haven't ever been totally against these, but when it came to using them myself I just never felt like it was the answer. And I've just heard the same story from so many people who take drugs for behavior or mood. A lot of people say it leaves them feeling numb, like they can't feel anything. It's not that I'm against using these things, it's just that I felt like there had to be other options.
So I bought a DoTERRA kit that day, and I was full on ready to dive into the world of natural medicine. I was so excited, and fascinated, with everything I was learning that I just wanted to share it with everyone. Look, how cool this is! You can treat all these things with oils. Isn't that amazing? I really didn't want to get into the consultant side of it, I've never been very good at things like that. But my friends eventually convinced me-- not that it was very hard ;). So now we have this fun little group of DoTERRA-ists. My friends are much better at the sales side then I am, but I keep trying to work my way up there. If I could I would buy oils for everyone, and go around treating all the illnesses I could. But that's not an option, so this is as close as I can get.
We've enjoyed using our oils as just part of our daily lives. We put lavender on our kids at night-- works great! I brush my teeth with On Guard-- It helps fight germs, protect against illness and whitens your teeth. We've used Deep Blue to treat body aches and pains when we go to bed at night. I would use peppermint everyday to help keep me awake for my 8:00 AM classes. And I would put frankincense on my face to help my skin. I love the everyday uses. And I totally recommend using oils this way. Don't wait for an illness to come around, start using them now. They have so many benefits.
We use them to treat too. Like we used lavender and melaleuca to treat our sunburns. We have used peppermint to treat headaches, lavender to treat cuts and sores, DigestZen to treat any tummy issues, etc. And we have been way impressed.
Using Melaleuca to treat cradle cap. It has gotten a lot better since these pics, he just won't let us take anymore :)
One night I woke up with horrible gas pains. I looked up the treatment for it: lavender and peppermint. I rubbed some on my stomach and within minutes the pain was gone. I LOVE this. These pains have always been such a horror for me. Especially when I'm pregnant. There has been times where I screamed out in pain in public because it hurt so bad. I was told by doctors there wasn't much I could do for the type of pains I was having. Well, now I have a solution.
The other day my child woke up with a tummy ache. It quickly turned into throwing up. Soon he was just dry heaving. It was so sad, and he couldn't get a moments peace. I would leave the room to start some laundry and pretty soon he would be crying again and I would have to rush up to hold the bowl. I tried DigestZen and Peppermint. Neither of those worked. So I asked my DoTERRA friends if one of them had ginger. Apparently DigestZen is great for anything stomach, but according the book peppermint and ginger were better for vomiting. So a friend brought me some ginger. I rubbed some on his belly. He woke up ten minutes later and threw up, at least it wasn't dry heaving. He asked for some crackers. "That's a good sign," I thought. I rubbed some more peppermint and ginger on him. He threw up one more time, I rubbed the ginger and peppermint on him again and then he calmed down, went to sleep for a couple hours and woke up as happy as can be.
Using lavender to treat our poor kids swollen mosquito bites. These were double the size the night before.
We don't have a lot of huge health issues in our family. But I have been grateful for the things the oils have helped us to deal with. My Dad has high blood pressure and really doesn't want to go on medication. I have slowly been trying to gather up the oils it suggests-- so far we've tried marjoram and Serenity-- and we've looked for some herbal remedies as well-- my friend recommended cayenne pepper. This is one of the things I love about DoTERRA. It gives you options. For those that don't feel like medicine is the best route they have other remedies they can try, and these remedies are pretty effective. It just all depends on what you're looking for. And if you don't have any major medical issues, or you aren't looking for other options, I still totally recommend using the oils for their daily benefits.
Have I been disappointed? I haven't really been disappointed. The hard part with the oils is finding what will work best for you. Their are several oils listed under each ailment because everyone is different and the same cures may not work straight across the board. I have friends that love frankincense, but lavender seems to do it for our family. Anyway. . .sometimes finding what works can be frustrating. Like I have a wart I'm trying to get rid of. I have put oregano on it pretty aggressively. Almost every hour for the last 3 or 4 days. When oregano didn't seem to be working I started using frankincense, but still the wart remains. So now I'm trying both oregano and frankincense, and I'm putting a band-aid on it at night. My husband keeps offering to just buy me the freeze away kit, but I kind of want to figure out how to get the oils to work, so I can share it with others. We'll keep trying. It seems to have at least gotten smaller :). So it hasn't disappointed but it can just take patience sometimes. It all depends on if treating with natural remedies is what you are looking for. There are a lot of benefits, but it can take patience, effort and time.
The kids love using the oils. They always come and sit next to me and ask for a dose.
Why DoTERRA? We have kind of stuck with DoTERRA because we like what they offer so far. We're not necessarily against trying other oils, but we do like what we've tried and feel like its worth our money. I like that all their oils can be ingested. It makes me feel good about what I'm using, and I feel good about using it on, and around, my kids. I like the Life Long Vitality Vitamins that DoTERRA offers. We have loved using them, and have heard a ton of success stories. I love their blends. They have oil blends that are awesome like DigestZen, On Guard and Serenity. And their oils are very potent, which I like because if makes them more effective when it comes to treating things.
The benefits so far. You really have to start using oils to see all the benefits. They are going to sound expensive, but once you start using them you'll see that it doesn't take much, and they last a long time. Seriously, the bottles last a lot longer than you would think. And the more you use them the more you'll see that you don't need a ton of oils to treat a ton of things. Each oil has multiple uses, and one oil can replace a lot of medicines. I've noticed just feeling better, and having more energy all around from using the oils, and especially from the vitamins. I can also feel myself getting stronger from working out and such, instead of just feeling like it wears me out. I like that they are safe for kids, and that if they are sick, under the weather or just a little grumpy, I don't have to play a guessing game as to which medicine to give or if the situation really calls for medicine. I can grab an oil or two, the oils will treat multiple things and if nothing is really wrong I don't have to feel like I gave them medicine unnecessarily because they oils won't harm them and they will benefit them even if they are not sick.
We're pretty excited about the new things we are learning about oils. And we're excited to see where DoTERRA takes us :).
To order oils go here.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The Story Behind TBA
I wanted to start the blog with this post, but kind of got swept up with events so I never got a chance too. Here is my little explanation. I hope it makes sense,
When I was little I thought it was so fun to see my initials in programs everywhere. TBA, Tricia Bree Andreason. I'd joke, "Hey look I'm part of the program." Then I would always catch myself saying, "I'm TBA, To Be Announced".
When I got married I had always intended to take my husbands name, but, I have to admit, it was kind of hard. Not because of any dislike for my husband, or to make some feminist type protest, but because I was really proud of my last name. Andreason had come to really mean a lot to me. But so many stereotypes float around about woman who won't change their name, and I didn't want to fall into that definition, so I took my husbands name. After all, it was a good name too, and no matter what my social security card said I was still an Andreason through and through.
As years passed, things happened. As things happened, pain grew. That pain grew deep and buried itself. And I soon found that pain was so imbedded in me that I had come to long for something I never thought would matter to me. I wanted my name back. I didn't know why. I didn't understand why it was so important. I could still write Andreason. I could still say Andreason. What did having it legally in the books matter? But for some reason it did matter.
Well I realized why. What I had been seeking my whole life was outside validation. I thought, "When I have a husband to tell me I'm pretty everyday then I can finally believe it," or "When I have a husband to tell me what I'm good and talented at then I will finally know what I should do with my life."
I soon realized that I needed to trust in myself enough to believe I could give that validation. So I started doing that. And as I did that, I would drive around places where I grew up, and think, "I wish I had loved Tricia Andreason this way too. Even if she didn't fully believe it, she was pretty awesome."
For the first time in a long time it felt good to visit my past. For so long it had felt wrong. In someways it felt like a crime against my marriage. I realized I needed to go back and love the me of the past too. I started to think of my maiden name and my old initials, TBA. At first I thought it was kind of dumb to be so thrilled by such a silly coincidence. I couldn't really remember why I had thought my initials were so cool. But then I realized it was an awesome statement of who I am. My life isn't set in stone. Who I am isn't all determined by the here and now. In a way my life is To Be Announced. You can't fit me in a form and say that's who I am and who I always will be. I am learning and growing. I am trying hard to improve everyday. Who I am is changing. Who's to say what I'll be in the next ten years? It's To Be Announced :). Lets hope its something good.
Anyway. . .that's the story behind the title of this blog. I've learned a lot about myself. Things that would probably sounds crazy if I wrote them all hear. But if you ever want to here my crazy stories you're welcome to ask me anytime.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
6 Months of Reading
So last time I posted about the books I've read I posted what I read in the last year. But I got a little hazy on all the details so I wanted to post at 6 months this time.
January
Book Club Read: "Edenbrooke" By: Julianne Donaldson
This book was a pretty good read. A fun little romance. I loved getting sucked into a romantic story again, but I sort of got pulled back out by reality and would get a little depressed while reading it.
Personal Read:
I think I was trying to just finish "A Tale of Two Cities". And I started "Mother Had a Secret".
February
I took a break from reading in February and March because I was overwhelmed with my EMT Class.
But for the Book Club Read for this month was "The Giver" By Lois Lowry
I so highly recommend this book. It is so simple, and just so genius. At least to me anyway. It ranks high up on my favorites. I read it and couldn't stop talking about it. I made my husband read, and then anxiously awaited a gift giving moment to get my Dad a copy, so I could discuss it with him. LOVE this book!
March
Book Club Book: "The Secret Life of Bees" By Susan Monk Kidd
This was a very enjoyable book that I read in another book club. I really enjoyed it then, but didn't read it this time around because of the EMT Class.
Personal Read: "My Peace I Give Unto You" By: Doug Mendenhall
This book was pretty much life changing for me. I would totally recommend, but only if you feel like it is what you need, or something you're interested in. I know that sounds weird. I guess I would say, pray about it. The book is about a girl who had a near death experience. She miraculously survived and came back with a little less of a veil. Her experiences, I feel, have given me some great insight. I feel like the door to life has been opened just a little bit more. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about some of the things, but I take them and see if they make anything in this crazy world make more sense. They say not to judge or immediately dismiss the things said in this book. Instead take it, put it on a shelf and pull it down sometimes to see how you feel about. That's what I try to do. Near death experiences can be kind of tricky. So many things can be left to a persons interpretation. Then there is my interpretation of her interpretation. That's why I try to take the pieces of it and see if I feel like it rings true through the experiences I have had in my life. Either way, there are things in this book that I believe can help to bring people peace.
April
Book Club Read: "Sophie's World" By: Jostein Gaardner
This was not a favorite, even amongst the group. There were some interesting things about it. I enjoyed getting a brief explanation of all the famous philosophers. But I really struggled to read the whole thing.
Personal Read: "Mother Had a Secret" By: Tiffany Fletcher
I wasn't too sure about this book at certain points along the way, but when I go to the end I really enjoyed and appreciated what the author had shared. There were parts that were just so touching, and had so much truth. It was a good book!
May
Book Club Read: "The Glass Castle" By: Jeanette Walls
This book is so incredibly well written. And the story is fascinating. It's hard to explain. You just have to read it, but it really is a really good read. The author has a great talent for writing. And seriously you will not believe her story. It's actually a memoir, and it is just amazing. I really enjoyed reading this, and I had a hard time putting it down.
Personal Read: "In His Arms" By: Denise Mendenhall
So that book "My Peace I Give Unto You" was written by the father of the girl who had the near death experience. This book is written by the girl herself. She was sixteen years old when she wrote it, and has some disabilities from her stroke, and you can tell when you read it :). The writing is incredibly simple, but so much was said, and learned, in just one simple sentence. That's how I felt about it anyway. She has since looked back on this book, and said that she wished she had written things differently, and that some things she had misinterpreted. Just another one of those reads where if you feel like you want to read it keep in mind these are her interpretations of her experiences. I don't want to say, "You have to read this! It is Amazing!" But I really feel like it has helped me greatly in my life. I think reading it is just something everyone needs to decide for themselves. I read it, and then just took the information and used it as I observed the world around me. Parts were very touching. Parts I felt were very true. And parts I feel have given me a little more understanding even if I'm still not completely sure how to feel about it. I guess if anything it opens up your mind to looking at something from a different perspective. That perspective may not be complete truth. But just simply getting insight to that perspective, I think, has helped me find a little more peace and understanding.
June
Book Club Read: Tuesday's with Morrie
This was a great book. Full of great advice. Very touching. And it's a pretty easy read.
Personal Read: A Tale of Two Cities
I finally finished A Tale of Two Cities. I really do love this story. I love Charles Dickens, and consider him my favorite author because I find his stories to be very moving, touching and inspiring. But his actual writing can be a hard pill to swallow. It took some effort but I did finally make it through this novel. His writing is very good, but sometimes over descriptive. But still I love his stories.
January
Book Club Read: "Edenbrooke" By: Julianne Donaldson
This book was a pretty good read. A fun little romance. I loved getting sucked into a romantic story again, but I sort of got pulled back out by reality and would get a little depressed while reading it.
Personal Read:
I think I was trying to just finish "A Tale of Two Cities". And I started "Mother Had a Secret".
February
I took a break from reading in February and March because I was overwhelmed with my EMT Class.
But for the Book Club Read for this month was "The Giver" By Lois Lowry
I so highly recommend this book. It is so simple, and just so genius. At least to me anyway. It ranks high up on my favorites. I read it and couldn't stop talking about it. I made my husband read, and then anxiously awaited a gift giving moment to get my Dad a copy, so I could discuss it with him. LOVE this book!
March
Book Club Book: "The Secret Life of Bees" By Susan Monk Kidd
This was a very enjoyable book that I read in another book club. I really enjoyed it then, but didn't read it this time around because of the EMT Class.
Personal Read: "My Peace I Give Unto You" By: Doug Mendenhall
This book was pretty much life changing for me. I would totally recommend, but only if you feel like it is what you need, or something you're interested in. I know that sounds weird. I guess I would say, pray about it. The book is about a girl who had a near death experience. She miraculously survived and came back with a little less of a veil. Her experiences, I feel, have given me some great insight. I feel like the door to life has been opened just a little bit more. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about some of the things, but I take them and see if they make anything in this crazy world make more sense. They say not to judge or immediately dismiss the things said in this book. Instead take it, put it on a shelf and pull it down sometimes to see how you feel about. That's what I try to do. Near death experiences can be kind of tricky. So many things can be left to a persons interpretation. Then there is my interpretation of her interpretation. That's why I try to take the pieces of it and see if I feel like it rings true through the experiences I have had in my life. Either way, there are things in this book that I believe can help to bring people peace.
April
Book Club Read: "Sophie's World" By: Jostein Gaardner
This was not a favorite, even amongst the group. There were some interesting things about it. I enjoyed getting a brief explanation of all the famous philosophers. But I really struggled to read the whole thing.
Personal Read: "Mother Had a Secret" By: Tiffany Fletcher
I wasn't too sure about this book at certain points along the way, but when I go to the end I really enjoyed and appreciated what the author had shared. There were parts that were just so touching, and had so much truth. It was a good book!
May
Book Club Read: "The Glass Castle" By: Jeanette Walls
This book is so incredibly well written. And the story is fascinating. It's hard to explain. You just have to read it, but it really is a really good read. The author has a great talent for writing. And seriously you will not believe her story. It's actually a memoir, and it is just amazing. I really enjoyed reading this, and I had a hard time putting it down.
Personal Read: "In His Arms" By: Denise Mendenhall
So that book "My Peace I Give Unto You" was written by the father of the girl who had the near death experience. This book is written by the girl herself. She was sixteen years old when she wrote it, and has some disabilities from her stroke, and you can tell when you read it :). The writing is incredibly simple, but so much was said, and learned, in just one simple sentence. That's how I felt about it anyway. She has since looked back on this book, and said that she wished she had written things differently, and that some things she had misinterpreted. Just another one of those reads where if you feel like you want to read it keep in mind these are her interpretations of her experiences. I don't want to say, "You have to read this! It is Amazing!" But I really feel like it has helped me greatly in my life. I think reading it is just something everyone needs to decide for themselves. I read it, and then just took the information and used it as I observed the world around me. Parts were very touching. Parts I felt were very true. And parts I feel have given me a little more understanding even if I'm still not completely sure how to feel about it. I guess if anything it opens up your mind to looking at something from a different perspective. That perspective may not be complete truth. But just simply getting insight to that perspective, I think, has helped me find a little more peace and understanding.
June
Book Club Read: Tuesday's with Morrie
This was a great book. Full of great advice. Very touching. And it's a pretty easy read.
Personal Read: A Tale of Two Cities
I finally finished A Tale of Two Cities. I really do love this story. I love Charles Dickens, and consider him my favorite author because I find his stories to be very moving, touching and inspiring. But his actual writing can be a hard pill to swallow. It took some effort but I did finally make it through this novel. His writing is very good, but sometimes over descriptive. But still I love his stories.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Happy Mother's Day
I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day. Mine was pretty good. Craig and I woke up early and went looking for a van on Saturday, I used some student loan money to put together a down payment. Then I went to a cleaning appointment. I rushed to get to a bridal shower. Then headed to pick up the boys. The plan was to head out and get some gifts for all the mom's in our lives.
Sadly I ended up getting upset with my mom. We left and tried to get into any little shops we could to find some gifts. The only place open was Deseret Book so we were scrambling all over the place trying to find any little things that the moms and grandmas might like.
Then we went to dinner at Applebees. It was a fun night in the sense that we did fun things, but it wasn't a fun night in the sense that I didn't have much patience, and we all had had a very long day.
On Sunday I just could not stomach going to church. Sometimes its just hard to have these days that are focused on you-- my birthday is the same way. I don't know if it's because I feel like I have to put the plans into making it fun and relaxing and so there just doesn't seem to be a point. Or maybe its because if I do demand my day be about me getting a break it ends taking such effort that I end up frustrated and upset. Then I feel like a spoiled brat, and then I just feel like a horrible mom, who doesn't deserve a special day. In someways I don't know how to handle the attention when I actually get it. But I don't know how to handle it when I don't get it either. I want someone to give me permission to take these days and enjoy them, but it never feels like I really get that. Like everything else in life I just need to give it to myself.
Anyway. . .I ended up not going to church. I got really upset with Big H that morning, and turned into monster mom. Then I really felt like I didn't want to celebrate mother's day. Well, Craig decided to treat me to a picnic up in the canyon.
The boys gave me their gifts.
They kept saying, "It's your birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!"
And we also made some gifts for the other mothers in our lives too.
We came home so Craig could go to work and then I went over to my parents so I could visit with my Grandma's.
And the day ended up being OK. My boys sweet, and forgiving, spirits made it worth celebrating.
I really do hope that everyone had a great Mother's Day. I really believe that women are incredibly valuable and important in God's eyes. And I know that I should truly live my life knowing that I am of value, and never give into the idea that I am worth less then it really am. So I need to try and let these days of celebration be everything they can be-- even if it's hard to accept that they can't be all that they promise to be.
Happy Mothers Day :)
Sadly I ended up getting upset with my mom. We left and tried to get into any little shops we could to find some gifts. The only place open was Deseret Book so we were scrambling all over the place trying to find any little things that the moms and grandmas might like.
Then we went to dinner at Applebees. It was a fun night in the sense that we did fun things, but it wasn't a fun night in the sense that I didn't have much patience, and we all had had a very long day.
On Sunday I just could not stomach going to church. Sometimes its just hard to have these days that are focused on you-- my birthday is the same way. I don't know if it's because I feel like I have to put the plans into making it fun and relaxing and so there just doesn't seem to be a point. Or maybe its because if I do demand my day be about me getting a break it ends taking such effort that I end up frustrated and upset. Then I feel like a spoiled brat, and then I just feel like a horrible mom, who doesn't deserve a special day. In someways I don't know how to handle the attention when I actually get it. But I don't know how to handle it when I don't get it either. I want someone to give me permission to take these days and enjoy them, but it never feels like I really get that. Like everything else in life I just need to give it to myself.
Anyway. . .I ended up not going to church. I got really upset with Big H that morning, and turned into monster mom. Then I really felt like I didn't want to celebrate mother's day. Well, Craig decided to treat me to a picnic up in the canyon.
The boys gave me their gifts.
They kept saying, "It's your birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!"
And we also made some gifts for the other mothers in our lives too.
We came home so Craig could go to work and then I went over to my parents so I could visit with my Grandma's.
And the day ended up being OK. My boys sweet, and forgiving, spirits made it worth celebrating.
I really do hope that everyone had a great Mother's Day. I really believe that women are incredibly valuable and important in God's eyes. And I know that I should truly live my life knowing that I am of value, and never give into the idea that I am worth less then it really am. So I need to try and let these days of celebration be everything they can be-- even if it's hard to accept that they can't be all that they promise to be.
Happy Mothers Day :)
Thursday, May 2, 2013
School, Work, Kids
I have way too many blogs, so I probably shouldn't be starting a new one. But I decided to devote my other blog specifically to updates on my kids. This blog will mostly be about what is going on with my life, and since the kids are my life they're will be stories about them here too.
The other day I stopped by my local fire station to ask some questions for a homework assignment for my EMT class. I scheduled a ride along for the next day and I love it. I felt so welcomed by the Paramedics that work there. Something I wasn't really expecting. But they were interested in what I my plans were after I got my EMT and such, and I just had a lot of fun.
My boys went with me the day before, and of course we had to take some pictures. My kids ask me to pull my camera out more than I do on my own. But even so I can hardly manage to get a good pic.
I'm hoping that there will be more post to come. I have a blog about being a mom, and the trials, stress and joy that brings. I may just use that as my outlet for updates for my life, but we'll see how it goes :).
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