Would You Believe Me?

Would you believe me if I said I have reasons to believe dressing modestly is important?

Would you also believe me if I told you I believe dressing modestly is not necessary?

I believe dress should be comfortable for you and expresses who you are. I have been in incidents where dressing modestly helped me feel safer. But I have  worn comfortable, and beautiful in things that would fall under certain definitions of modesty, and I loved wearing them. And I didn't feel like it took away from my self worth.

Would you believe me if I told you I think there is wisdom in practicing abstinence?

Would you also believe me if I told you that I think it's possible to have a healthy sexual relationship outside of marriage?

I ultimately believe that sex should be an expression of love. Waiting till marriage usually keeps one safe from having sex for the wrong reasons. But it's not a guarantee. I personally don't feel you should just go out and sleep with just anyone. I still think there should be limitations, and each individual can choose what they are. If waiting till marriage is the goal, awesome! I'd say decide what you want to experience from a sexual relationship, and set the standards you need to help you achieve that. 

Would you believe me if I told you a marriage in the LDS temple can be a beautiful thing?

Would you believe me if I told you I believe there can be beautiful, uplifting, spiritual wedding experiences outside the temple?

My first marriage was in the LDS temple. I in no way blame the state of my first marriage on the church, or the temple. I was the one that made choices, didn't have a good understanding and believed the temple meant I had followed the right path. I believed, because of that, that I would automatically be led to blessings, and an ease of problems. Truthfully what I think now: marriage is what you make it. The faith and effort you put in as a couple is what measures your success. If reaching a goal of a temple marriage is a strength, to your relationship as a couple, then it will probably benefit you, as a couple. Do what you need to feel successful in this area. Pick the experience you want to have, and make it happen.

I'm a seeker of truth. I try to find the answers need to live a happier, more peaceful life. I try to observe many situations, take in many perspectives and look at life from all angles. I try to find a way to understand everyone, and everything. I try to not dismiss different ideas and different beliefs. I do my best to find answers to help myself heal and deal better with life, and I try to share what I find so that if it is what other's are seeking, they can benefit from my experiences as well. 

Being raised in Utah, in an LDS family, in not something I regret. I think the church gave me a structure I needed in order keep myself from destructive behaviors I might have given into when I hit low points in life. But it's also hard. I was raised with a certain perspective on life, and I was raised in an area where most people had that same perspective. And I was never really challenged to think outside my little box. Being LDS was right. Our religion was true. My ultimate goal was to bring people to The Church so they could be saved. I was told to date only members. I was told a Temple Marriage is what I should strive for. And if I wanted to marry someone who couldn't take me to the temple that I should pass, move on and have faith that God would lead me to a worthy man. This is what I was taught. This is what I believed. How do I feel about these things now?

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Small Disclaimer: I am not acting as a representative of the church. Please do not take my interpretations of the things I was taught as true LDS doctrine. This is me simply sharing my personal perspective on how I felt things were portrayed to me.

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To tell you the truth I ultimately believe living a life where you discipline yourself to follow a higher law will usually challenge you to be a better person. What that higher law is, is up to you. Having a code of honor, convictions, promises to God, or whomever/whatever you choose, that you will not break, will help you to grow. 

But I also believe that what belief one person chooses to live by is not "one size fits all". I don't think we necessarily need to be disciplined by the same set of beliefs. And I have actually really enjoyed learning about different ways of living, different religions and different beliefs with an open, and accepting mind.

Religion, for the most part, is a beautiful thing. It can be simply amazing to learn about other people, and why they choose to live the way they live and believe the way they do. Opposing beliefs are not a challenge to your beliefs. They are just another way to view the world. I wanted to be more open in how I viewed the world.

So I tossed aside a lot of things that I felt were wrong. I stopped saying, "Anything that involves-- insert certain behavior-- is automatically wrong." And I learned a whole lot more. And I met some great people. They never tried to persuade me to live differently, or to try things I didn't want to try. And I stopped assuming that all this stuff automatically equaled "wrong". 

I want to have a world of experiences. I want to share those experiences with everyone that will listen. I want to learn about many different ways of living. I want to take in all the things that lead to a positive life, and share these secrets with everyone. I want to look at successful relationships, and find out what makes them successful. I want to learn how to better talk with, and approach, people so that we can better express ourselves to each other, without causing offense. A lot of things I thought I needed, to be successful in these areas, I have learned aren't necessarily true. So I want to find out what is true, and tell people what it is and why I believe it. I want to do this for me, so I can know how to be successful in areas I have failed in. And hopefully what I learn can help other's find answers themselves. 

I'm working on a program to help accomplish these things. I'm hoping to work on putting it together, and coming up with a launch date. We'll see how this goes. I feel kind of incapable, but I'm really hoping I can get some things out there.