What's This GORUCK thing?

So about every week I post pictures of me, and my handsome pack, out on a hike somewhere. And about once every few weeks I make a post bugging my friends to join me in a GORUCK event. Some may be asking what is GORUCK? The majority are probably not too concerned with finding out the answer. But either way I'm going to tell you. Actually I'm not going to tell you. Simply google GORUCK and let them tell you. Then when you have questions, which you probably will, you can ask me.

I will try to describe a little about what I do when I am out there taking pics of me and my pack. So if you see me hiking with my fancy pack it usually means I am carrying weight. I carry about 25lbs of weight in my pack, plus water and whatever else. Sometimes I take the weight out if I'm on a new hike, and I'm not sure how its going to be. But most the time I have the weight.

Why do I take those fancy pics? I like to take pics of the places, that me and my pack go, to share with the other crazy people in the group, that also do the crazy GORUCK thing, like me.

How did I get involved? Funny story. I read an article about a young man riding his bicycle across the USA. One of his sponsor's was GORUCK. I researched it a little when I noticed him referring to it during his bike ride. But I didn't quite get it. Then one night he, very excitedly, told me about GORUCK, but not too much-- no joke, it was really hard for me to fully grasp the concept of what this was at first. I was being kind of a brat, but I had a crush on the guy so I looked into. And after looking into it. . .I was still confused as to what it was. Then he told me to do an event. I rolled my eyes. Yeah right dude, I have never even heard about this, I doubt there's even stuff going on in Utah. Well, low and behold, they did do events out here. And I finally decided to put my bad attitude aside and I signed up for a light.

So last year in May, I did my first GORUCK challenge. And I was still a little unsure what to think. But hey when you like a guy you tend to just go with it, am I right? I joined the Facebook group, for people who have completed challenges, and after a month or so of being completely confused and overwhelmed by all the information-- it's almost like learning a new language. I kind of started to catch on. And I started taking my pack out with me more. And I started taking more pics. And. . .eventually the guy that introduced me to GORUCK. . .well we had a falling out.

So here I was, part of this thing, that didn't really feel like my thing. I got into it because of a guy I wasn't even talking to anymore. We were supposed to do our next event together, and I was kind of lost as to what to do with this whole GORUCK thing. Was it something I wanted to stick with? I didn't know. So I just kept hiking with my pack and I just kept taking pics. Then after a while I decided to try and get more actively involved with the local group. I started scheduling more rucks within the group, and I started trying to get some more people involved. But when it came to doing another event I was dragging my feet. 

So then came the day when I told myself I just needed to sign up for an event and do it. I felt like I was lurking in the Facebook group. Me acting like a GRT when all I had done was one light. I needed to try and do more. If I was going to participate in other ways, it only made sense that I needed to participate in their events too. So I sucked it up and I signed up. . .then I canceled and signed up for another one. . .then I thought about canceling that one as well.

But I stuck with it. And it was hard. The event was in November, around Veteran's Day. I kept asking myself why I thought a cold weather event sounded like a good idea. 

So here's how the even went down. The week or so before the event, my plumbing started acting weird. I eventually found out I had a break in the main line running from the house. Sewage backed up into the tub daily. I couldn't run my washer or my dish washer. My kids couldn't take baths. I couldn't take showers. We had to go to my parents' house for everything. The day of the event I took off work so I could rest. The Tough events start at night, and go through until morning, so I wanted to be well rested that day. Well, my youngest woke up that morning at 4 AM throwing up. One round, and our tub and toilet were already out of order. He woke up again an hour later, and puked in my bed. Goodbye rest! I had to rinse off my sheets outside with a bucket and water from the outside spout. They were freezing to the the cement within the few minutes it took me to refill the bucket. Then I took me, my sick kid and my sheets to my Mom's house. I tried to rest there for a minute. Then back to my house to get the kids off to school. What now? Do I still go? I have no bed to rest in. I had not even gotten enough sleep prior to the bed mess. What did I do? Well, I said to Hell with it. If I can't complete it, I can't complete it. So I went to the health food store and asked the associate some strangely worded questions about needing some things to help me get through this event thing, I couldn't even really describe-- he did a great job helping me, by the way. And then I chilled out in my recliner the rest of the day, drinking protein shakes and carb loading.

Then came time for the event. It was a chilly night of walking around Salt Lake city, with our weighted packs, while also carrying other weights as a team. And a there were some other things in between. It was hard, and I didn't do great. But I made it. I even made it through a chilly morning dip in a pond.

Then I had to make the hour long drive home, I had to stop a couple times a long the way. When I pulled up to my house my front yard was being dug up for the sewage repairs. I went to my parents house to shower. Then came home, and crashed in my recliner-- my bed still wasn't made from the puking incident the night before. I woke up in a haze, and I really, really had to go to the bathroom, but my bathrooms were out of order. So I had to stumble out the door and drive down the street to the local grocery store. I walked out of the grocery store, a little dazed and confused, with very little recollection of what actually went on in there. I made it to the bathroom, that much I know for sure. That night I crashed, and I crashed hard. It took a week or so to fully recover. But the event was more fun than it was miserable, and I am glad I did it.

So why do I do this stuff? To best answer that you should just do an event yourself. What I like about GORUCK is that its about learning to work as a team. It's not about being the strongest and best, it's about helping everyone get through it. The people are what make GORUCK awesome, and to meet the people you have to do an event.

I also want to mention that at each event they like to do some form of service. So for our event everyone helped me put together a couple care packages for out troops. They did an amazing job!!!

So that is my GORUCK story. I'm still not 100% sure why I actually got involved in GORUCK,  but now I just sort of go with it. If you ever want to come with me, on one of my little hikes, feel free. I might convert you to the GORUCK ways.

Solving the Worlds Problems

You! Yes you! Have you ever tried to solve the worlds problems? Have you ever tried to find the solution to inner peace and happiness? Have you ever assumed you knew what someone needed or wanted? These were things I tried to do. I was determined to set out in life and find these answers. I was determined to live and learn, and seek out the things I needed to, to find how to be happy in life. To find how to be happy in love. To find how to be at peace. Well, my friends I'm sorry to say I don't have all the answers.

Have you ever noticed the impressions people get of you. People say stuff back to me and I'm like, "huh? What are you talking about?"

"You just need to be more confident."

"You just need to believe in yourself."

"You just don't see how awesome your are."

These phrases and more have been knocked around a million times, am I right? I mean there were times when people told them to me and I was like, "You're probably right." But in reality I kind of always thought I was a pretty awesome person. I tend to try and convince myself I'm not because, well, when you go out in the world thinking your awesome and then get served a piece of humble pie, it can kind of sting. And I guess me trying to tell myself I'm not great or I'm not worth it, is a defense mechanism. There were probably times I actually did believe it because it's what I had been telling myself for so long. There were times I just wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe I was nothing and worth no ones time because it was just too painful. It was too painful to try and go on. But people see me do this and create this perception of me that I lack confidence and self esteem. 

Our perceptions of one another are tainted. We as people see what we want to see. We understand things from our perspective and its hard not to reflect our perspective onto others. We can have an idea of what others are going through, but as we try to relate I think we start putting our image on others and giving them our problems. Then when we've given them our problems we try to give them our solutions.

I struggle with this. And I have had to learn to step out of my world and realize that I'm just built differently then others, and that I don't know how I would be, or how I would feel if I was living this other persons life. Its actually something I can't really do very well. haha! I mean I have my life. I was raised in Utah, in the LDS church. My parents never divorced. I was raised to want a marriage, and a family. I was taught to not want for things, and I was taught to enjoy what I could afford and what was reasonable. I had twins first, then the other two followed within the next three years. I have all boys. I'm a young mother. My marriage didn't work out. My husband cheated on me. My experiences with relationships has never been greatly positive. I am me. And all these thing affect how I see the world. And that's something I can't change. I can do my best to empathize with others, but it's still difficult to fully understand other people, how they work, where they are truly at and what motivates their choices.

Sometimes I wish I could solve problems. I think I have an understanding of how to live and what is right, and then that understanding gets changed when I find myself encountering other lifestyles. I believe in God and the Savior. I follow them and I have my own interpretation of what they truly want from me. And every once and a while I have to step back and remember that I can only truly know what they want from me, and that sometimes I don't even understand that. So who am I to say what they may want from others. I've been led to people. People who I thought would become positive parts of my life. Men I thought I would marry and find happiness with. Each time a person came into my life I assumed I knew why. And then I would get a total shock and surprise when when the relationship ended, or made a different turn. I would sit there in shock and think, "But I swear, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I swear it was what the Lord was directing me to do." Then I realized that, even though the relationships didn't turn out the way I hoped they would, they still played key rolls in helping me learn and grow and become something more. I can walk away knowing I did what the Lord asked, and I learned what I was supposed to learn.

I just need to stop assuming. I need to stop thinking I have control. That I am "I dream of Jeanie" with my prayers saying, "I wish for a husband," and poof he appears. I need to remember that the people brought into my life are brought in for many different reasons, and that to let that be OK. I also need to remember, as I look at others, that I don't have the answers for them either. They are here to do what they feel they need to do, and who am I to assume that I know what they need and what they need to get out of life.

We're all so very different, and that is a beautiful thing. There are universal truths, and then there are personal truths and I think sometimes we get the two mixed up. We're here to learn from each other, and not every answer is going to be the same on everyone's test called "life".

I am striving to find a way to be a peace. I am constantly looking for God's hand in all of this. This world is a crazy place and sometimes I turn to the Lord, with a broken heart, asking him, "Why? Why must we live in a place where such terrible things happen? Why must there be so much pain and suffering? Why Lord? I don't understand." Life can be a gloriously, wonderful, happy, joyful little shit show that will pull the rug out from under you the minute you think you have it figured out. Life is beautiful and sucks all at the same time. We can only perceive a small piece of the world, and it will always be seen through our eyes only, with our little brand of perspective. And that is what I have to remember. That what I see is just a small portion. Trust in the Lord. The path I walk is not one of ease, but it's one full of lessons and growing. And I hope I continue to learn the things I need to learn as I seek to know God better.