TICK. . .TOCK. . .TICK. . .TOCK. . .TICK. . .

It's Sunday night. The last time I saw, or heard, from my guy was Friday. He had dropped more weight, he looked so tired. He came to see me though, and I am so grateful. I call his phone. It's finally ringing, but there is still no answer. I send a text in hopes I can have one last communication with him, but it doesn't happen.

My day after Mother's Day date. I love this pic! 

We went to Mi Ranchito. An oldie but goodie, and one of my faves. Isn't he handsome?

Now what? When will I hear from him? When will I be able to see him? How do I pass the time not knowing these things?

These are questions that I don't have the answers too. My guy works for the Army and on Monday at 4:00 AM he left for a training. I knew when he would leave, I know when he will come back. But I have not heard a word from him, whether through call, text or email, since Friday night.

Fun at a friend's reception. Her and her family got sealed in the temple. 

Dinner at Cracker Barrel afterward 

So I try to put my brace face on. I try to come up with a plan. A way to make it till the day he comes back. I tell myself that I probably will not hear from him till then, so just plan on that to avoid disappointment. But even if I avoid disappointment, it is still hard.

This date night finally found me being able to wear the hat he gave me.

I spent all weekend staring at my phone. I felt myself get weak, and sick. I figured I be visiting the bathroom a lot. But nothing happened. Only stomach cramps, back pain and hip pain. The pain is so bad it wakes me up in the middle of the night. I soak in the tub and finally get some sleep. In the morning I wake up, not rested at all. I'm still nauseous, my body aches, walking up the stairs fatigues me and my hips are killing me. I ask my Dad to take me to insta-care. They run tests, take some x-rays, but say it must just be a virus. I continue to just feel drained and sick. I can eat, but most things end up hurting my stomach. I wish I understood what was wrong.

I finally got him to go to PF Changs. But I forgot how expensive it is. Yikes! He was a good sport though.

And then I ask myself: "Is this how it feels to really miss someone?"

I don't know if I have ever felt that before. Can you miss someone so much your body aches? Can you miss someone so much you can't eat? I have heard people express these things, but I don't know if I believed they were real.

Dinner and a walk up to Bridal Veil Falls

Every date night he gets me Sodalicious. One of my Faves!

I do miss him. I miss him more than I thought I could miss someone. Maybe it's because I haven't heard from him that it feels so much harder that anything I have done before. But I just can't seem to adjust. I just can't come up with a way to get through these times when he'll be away.

You see people's situations. You assume you know how it will feel. How hard it must be when a husband has to leave the family for an extended amount of time. I always thought it was the stress of having to deal with things on your own, but it's so much more. I can do things on my own for the most part. And my guy and I are just dating, so he has helped me here and there, but not in a way I rely upon him for. No, there is something else. Something even harder to deal with. This person isn't here anymore, and I just want to hear their voice. I want to have a conversation with them. I want to hear something from them so I can feel like they still exist. I feel emotionally grounded. I feel I have let go of stress and anxiety. I told myself to stop looking at my phone. But even so, there is just still something missing, and the ache for that missing person just does not go away. No matter how you try to distract yourself.

I got him a new shirt for Father's Day. 

We had dinner at Costa Vida where a nice gentlemen struck up a conversation with us. When he left he told my guy, "There aren't many like her out there."

His reply, "Yes, I've noticed"

I am grateful for the people in my life though. Words of encouragement from those who have been there. Mutual friends with mutual experience that offer a sympathetic ear. It all helps a little. It is just so strange because all my coping mechanisms have left me unprepared. I thought I knew how to get through this, but I don't. I have never missed someone like this before.

He loves to garden! This was the Friday before he left. 

So I watch the time go by. I dare to hope that eventually it will get easier and the days will pass more quickly. I go to work, and I am just completely exhausted. Our schedule is different this week because of the holiday. I feel like every cell in my body is just completely drained of energy. My eyes won't focus and my brain just can't process anymore. This morning one of the dogs pulled me out of bed at 12:30 AM, and while she was outside using the facilities, the baby bird we took in chirped and wanted to eat. I stood their at 12:30 in the morning trying to squeeze food out of the syringe into the birds mouth, but I am so exhausted I can hardly open my eyes. My stomach starts to hurts and my legs just can't stand anymore. Eventually I collapse to me knees unable to take the increasing stomach pains that seemed to be getting worse from my having to stand.

It seems this week is a hard one to get through in many ways. I am super grouchy with my kids. I can't do much because I'm working 10's, and I just miss my guy. Even though I don't sit and anxiously wait for him to call. Even though I have tried to fill my time with other things. It's just something that is hard. I'm sure I'll learn how to better weather the storm. For now I'm just riding along, and waiting till the answers come.

There's Something You Should Know. . .

Something you should know about me is: I love Karaoke!

Another thing you should know: if you ever join me for karaoke you may be shocked.

Once I break the ice I start coming out of my shell, and I just enjoy my love for singing and having fun. And, by the way, karaoke is crazy fun! Especially with these ladies:

Oh yeah! We had a blast!

And then there was the butter portion of the evening

"I can't believe its not butter"? Nope. More like, "I can't believe she's eating butter!" This lovely young lady was mistaken for eating butter when you was eating a pineapple spear. Perhaps it was her shirt that help secure a subliminal mislead. Either way it was hilarious and we got a photo up to remember it by.

Thank you ladies for the lovely night!!!

There Are No Shortcuts. . Just Short Haircuts

I tried to fight it. You know that urge? That urge to make some sort of drastic change to your hair when you have ended a relationship. Well, I just got divorced. That's a huge end of a relationship, and I had the urge to make drastic changes alright, but I resisted. Why? Because I have learned from cutting my hair short or getting bangs that I always end up annoyed and feeling limited.

Well I was watching Imitation Game, as well as a mother of 4 can watch a movie that doesn't have superheroes or colorful singing characters in it. And I got the urge. I saw these cute 1940's woman, pulling of this cute 1940's look. And guess what? Their hair is short. Well maybe it's my love for the 40's and 50's and my forever want to mimic that style. Or perhaps it's my boyfriends same love for these era's and the classic beauty that they hold. Whatever the reason I couldn't resist any longer. So I impulsively ran around town after my cleaning appointments and searched for someone who could cut my hair then and there. The reason for this? Not only does something impulsive have to be impulsive. But I was super excited about showing my guy the big surprise when we had our date that Monday.

See he works Friday-Monday. And since he works so far away, and doesn't have service while he's there, I am usually unable to see or talk to him for these four days. It's not my favorite thing. And this weekend I was surely missing him something terrible. I guess the thought of making a drastic change and surprising him just felt fun and exciting and sort of helped to pass the time.

So I did it. . .

Ahhhhh. . .what was I thinking? OK so like 3-4 inches of the hair they chopped off was ugly and scag looking and full of split ends. But still. . .what was I thinking?

I style it in a hurry because I have to meet my cousin really soon.

Ok it's not bad, but I don't love it. But still a 1940's bob is going to require 1940's styling and I'll have to play around with that later.

Fun at the museum with my cousin

And fun getting to see her adorable little baby. I may steal her one of these times.

The children crying and throwing fits because its closing time. Why don't we come here more?

The next day I try styling my hair with some rollers to see what fun that brings. Well guess what? It just goes into a bob again. Grrr. . .I feel so ugly. I have boring non sexy hair now. I decide this simply will not do, so I look up tips on styling 1940's hair, and I have a go at it. Finally I find some relief.

And right after I finish styling it I get a huge SURPISE!!!
My man calls and says he's on his way to see me!!!!

OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!

I was beyond excited!!!

I was missing him terribly and was really struggling with having to get through one more day. So he gets to see my new hair surprise one day early and properly stylized.

"It looks quite lovely!" He says. He's such a charmer!

P.S. I am not the only one excited to see him

P.P.S. Look at my cute little boy who made a "C" with his cookie. You know? "C" for cookie. Yeah it's random, but it happened that same day and it's cute.

So I still miss the long hair, and I am just not in love with short hair. But I am having fun.

P.S. Those pics earned me the nickname of "Pin Up Girl". This isn't the first time someone has given me that nickname.