It all started back in December. I started my new job the week before Christmas, and took notice of a handsome young man who worked the swing shift in my department. One of his many tasks upon coming to work was to get the doors ready to load, and later loading them onto a trailer. So he would usually come to ask me for any labels I had for the doors. It wasn't long before I realized I looked forward to this 5 second encounter each day, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to start liking this guy. It just seemed to me that the type of guy that works at my place of employment would be of no interest to me, and HAVE no interest in me. I mean I tend to be a little bit high maintenance. I can be a very passionate feminist, and I can get very annoyed with some of the behaviors of men. I was just certain that I would be far too much trouble for the type of man's man that seemed work there. I know I sound like a horrible person, who should give people a chance and and not stereotype. Honestly I have a lot of respect for a lot of these men. I just know that they are not my type, nor am I there's.
Saturday at the park
Well, I continued to fall for this guy. I continued to look forward to that time of day. When he went out of town I found myself slightly less motivated to go to work. Then came some news that made me question. Another co worker and I were talking about how we both felt there wasn't really anyone to impress at work and she said that the guys at work were either married or no of interest to her. This led me to freak out a little. From what little contact I had had with this guy I was under the impression he was single. But now I was wondering if he was in fact married. Part of me was disappointed, part of me was relieved. I mean if he was married I wouldn't have to worry about falling for a guy who would probably have no interest in a girl like me right? So I started trying to research. I looked him up on facebook but he was not one to post at all and has even deactivated his account since. I tried to think of subtle ways to bring it up in the 5 seconds that we talked to each other everyday. Heaven knows I couldn't just ask my friend at work because if he wasn't married it was possible he fell into the other category of single guys at work. Perhaps there was just something wrong with him that I couldn't see, so how could I ask my friend without knowing that for sure. She might think me crazy for being interested in him. Then I heard him talking about his kids. Damn! He must be married. Well, getting up for work just got a whole lot more disappointing.
Dinner at Mimi's Cafe so fun!
I know I make things too complicated. Well, I still continued to like him, and I still continued to try and get to know him. And I was pretty certain he was in fact single (and I was now trying to decide if he then, did in fact, fall into the other category). As all this was going on, and as my confusion about the situation increased, I realized if I was going to really take an interest in this guy I needed to keep my promise to my Heavenly Father. I am a very spiritual person, and I have many experiences that have led me down this path. When I got divorced I promised I would seek his counsel on everything, This includes dating, big choices, should I buy this shirt, etc ;). So I took it to my Heavenly Father. I was surprised when I was given the go ahead to pursue this guy. What? Really? But surely a guy that works there won't be what I am looking for. But I trusted in my Heavenly Father.
Who doesn't love Selfie Sundays
Shortly after that another guy at work took my friendliness as me giving him the green light to ask me out. Nice enough guy, but not interested at all. What was I to do now? I have plenty of excuses: I just want to spend time with my kids, it's too soon after the divorce, I have too much on my plate right now, etc. But I would have gladly thrown all those excuses out the window if the guy at work, I was actually interested in, asked me on a date. Then if I started to date him, but not this guy, well that just makes me look like the liar that I am. I know the answer is to just be honest, but my "must be nice" gene always wins in these cases. But of course, what did any of this matter because I had no reason to believe that other guy was interested in me at all. In the end I decided to go with good old fashioned dodging. Luckily all of this sort of worked itself out.
I have thoroughly enjoyed waking up to flowers on my car from time to time
It wasn't too long after this that I started to really talk to the guy I liked. And we really hit it off. And he was so different from what I assumed. He was such a gentlemen, and interested in dating in the same manner that I was. I was blown away. I will never doubt my Heavenly Father again! He offered to come help me with cleaning (which apparently was an excuse to get to know me better). Well the first few conversations we had I was hooked. I enjoyed talking to him so much, and I was just so excited about him. But I tried to keep myself in check. I tend to come onto strong, and I didn't want to chase him away. The more we talked the more I realized he was interested too. This sort of blew me away. A handsome man, who is such a gentlemen, who has such an interesting background and who is just so charming actually was interested in me? I really had no idea what I had to offer that would cause him to like me back, but heck I'll take it.
The day finally came that he asked me on a date. He said, "Would you do me the honor of accompanying me on a date this Saturday?" Seriously? How cute is that? Where did this guy come from?
First date!
Our first date was the first weekend in February and it was wonderful! We went to Tucanos, then up to Midway, we drove all around Heber and Park City looking for a swimsuit so we could take spontaneous dip in the crater and we then went for a late night walk around Springville.
He bought this for the boys to give me for Valentine's Day
I really enjoyed all the time we spent together, which of course was never enough. Even though it wasn't how I planned I felt good about introducing him to my kids, and then to my parents. Meeting my kids was INSANE!!! My gosh they behaved so bad, and he was a little nervous about it all. I told him just to hang in there. They would calm down, and he would get more used to them.
Taking the boys to The Museum of Natural Curiosity on Valentine's Day. It was INSANE!!!
Things were going well but as things became more serious we started to have some problems. Dating as two divorced people can be sticky. And it's hard to figure things out. We both, unfortunately, have insecurities, and those insecurities started to come up. These things started to cause disruptions in our relationship, and they even led to him breaking up with me.
Enjoying fun times at Midway, Heber and Park City
I unfortunately was very uncertain that this man actually liked me, and I needed constant reassurance. This was a difficult thing to ask for when he had moments where he wanted his space. Him wanting his space caused me to feel insecure. Me feeling insecure caused me to keep invading in his space. Me invading in his space led to confrontation.
I was feeling like it was a little unfair that I should give up what I needed for what he needed, and of course he felt the same way. Was there a compromise we both could be happy with? It didn't seem like it.
Easter Weekend was our first date after the break up fight. My cousin Natalie came to watch my four boys along with her three kiddos-- one of those being this adorable baby right here. She is simply amazing!
We went to Cinderella at the new theater in Orem. It was so cute!
Easter Sunday
As I fought my feelings of not wanting to just give in because my feelings should be validated too, I once again sought the counsel of my Heavenly Father. I was amazed by the answer and the clarity I received. In an attempt to try and avoid repeating what had happened in our previous marriages we had asked our relationship to handle issues it just wasn't ready to take on. We wanted this relationship to be responsible for fixing all the problems from our marriages, but that wasn't a fair thing to ask. Instead of freaking out about these issues and hyperventilating because, "This happened in my marriage and it caused so many problems, so we have to solve it NOW!" We needed to just calm down and just continue to get to know each other and grow together as a couple. So I was told by my Heavenly Father that when he needed his space that I needed to take my insecurities to Him and he would support me through it. This was a BIG challenge for me!
Tulip Festival! A favorite event of mine.
As I said, he did break up with me. I explained everything that I just explained above and asked if we could just continue to date and stop asking this relationship to solve all the problems from our marriages. He finally agreed to that. And I told him I would work on my insecurities. The next few days were extremely hard. I was crying. I was hurt. I just wanted to talk to him, but I knew I just needed to wait. I would get angry that it wasn't fair that. Why should I give up what I need for what he needs? I wondered if I was just a fool who was being too passive and letting him have control over the relationship. I would get upset and think, "I can't do this I'm just going to break up with him!" I mean what if I'm going through all this and he's just going to call and break up with me anyway?
It was a horrible few days! Not going to lie. But every time I felt myself get anxious I would take it to my Heavenly Father just like he told me to. I would feel at peace and I would feel that I needed to stay in the relationship.
Last weekend I was missing him like crazy. He started his official shift at his new job, and he doesn't get service up there, so I was planning on not hearing from him for four days. I tried to stay busy, I got my hair cut for fun, and to surprise him when he came back on Monday, but still on Sunday I was just going crazy. Well low and behold he was came into town that day and stopped by to visit before catching some Zzzz's before his next shift. I was so thrilled to see him, and show him my new hair-- "It looks quite lovely!" according to him.
The kids were so excited to see him too. I could hardly get a word in.
Finally it all ended with a phone call the following Tuesday. When I talked to him I realized that everything was fine. That all the insecurities I felt were mine. And that he was still willing to continue to date me.
Monday night is the new date night.
That wasn't the end of it. I learned so much from this experience. I learned to trust in this man and this relationship instead of instantly assuming it was going to end up in the same place as my last relationship. I realized that the things I was fighting for were there all along and I just couldn't see them. And if there was a lack he soon realized it himself and made an effort to change it. And I realized that the choice I made wasn't me just letting him walk all over me. It wasn't giving up control and letting him have it. In fact the choice I made allowed me to have control once again. I took control of the only person I have a right to control, Me. I stopped putting him in charge of my happiness. I stopped saying I would only feel secure and happy if he did these things just right. That's not a fair thing to ask of him, and it's not a fair to me either. I need to remember that I should never let anyone else be in charge of my feelings like that. I realized by doing what my Heavenly Father asked me to do I took back control of myself, and things were exceedingly better! I feel better and happier in the relationship. I feel more secure in the relationship. And I don't have a hard time giving him the things he needs from me.
Art City Donuts was in town. YUM! He got me donuts even after he got me an exclusive Ben and Jerry's flavor of ice cream. He knows the way to my heart ;).
So we continue to date. And I continue to thoroughly enjoy my time with him. I am so glad I have a loving Heavenly Father. I am so glad for the opportunities I have had to follow his counsel. And I am so amazed each time at the results when I do.
Dating is definitely an interesting experience post divorce. But I am continually happy with my choice to listen to my Father in Heaven. And I am just so thrilled with this man that I am dating. We both certainly are not perfect. But nobody is and I am happy to continue working through the imperfections because I think this relationship is, overall, a great one!
