6 months of Reading. . .Plus 6 More. . .Plus 2 More

I wanted to update my reading list so I searched through my posts to find where the last update left off. I thought it would be around December 2013, but no. The last time I posted about reading was in May 2013. I'm really on top of this aren't I?

For those that don't know I have tried to keep a goal I set, back in January of 2012, to read a book every month. Keeping up with this goal is an accomplishment worth celebrating which is why I like to post about what I read here. Sadly I've let that goal slip. I've also let posting about it slip. So we'll try and piece together what we can.

July 2013-December 2013

Started The Majesty of God's Law By: W. Cleon Skousen

I really enjoy Skousen's books. His writing makes for a nice read and I feel there is so much truth in what he says. I always come our of reading one of his books feeling more intelligent and more enlightened. This book is a big read, and I made several attempts to keep my goal, but I faltered. I am still yet to finish this book. And I really didn't get that far into it either. But I will be attempting to finish it here soon.

I also started A Narrative of a Revolutionary Soldier By: Joseph Plumb Martin

I really am sad about the fact that I started this book so long ago. I guess those months were full of school work. In fact I have no doubt that they were. I'm pretty sure this was the time I was doing my Zoology class, which is pretty much just an anatomy class-- I really don't know what the difference is.

I also read The Luxe By: Anna Godbersen

This book was OK. I got irritated with the characters-- I really didn't care for any of them. But it kept my interest, was fun to read and I got through it in a week. It's not something you HAVE to read, but it's pretty fun.

January 2014-March 2014

This was full of school work as well. I may have tried to read a little from A Narrative of a Revolutionary Soldier along the way. But I didn't get much personal reading done, that's for sure.

March 2014-June 2014

This was the month I began Midwifery School. I really had to push to get a lot of reading done in a very small amount of time.

For Midwifery School I read:

• Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn (4th Edition): The Complete Guide By: Penny Simkin, April Bolding, Ann Keppler and Janelle Durham
• A very thorough and complete guide about. . .well. . .everything it says in the title. 
• Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care 
• This book was very eye opening. Some parts I didn't feel I fully shared the writers emotions, but even so I felt I learned a lot.
• The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers By Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman
• This book is chuck full of great info on breastfeeding. There were some parts I could have done without, but it was well researched and would be a great reference for the breastfeeding mom. 
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth By: Ina May
• I really enjoyed this book. I think it is a great book that will give you support in whatever form of childbirth you choose to have. 
• HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method By Marie F. Mongan and Lorne R. Campbell 
• I really enjoyed this book too. The great thing about studying Midwifery and natural childbirth is that you learn things that will help you with your life as well. This is one of those things. 
• Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife By: Peggy Vincent
• I really liked this book. I felt like me and Peggy had so many similarities. In a lot of ways she felt so out of place as a midwife, and sometimes I feel that way too. Yet she was amazing and, hopefully, I can be that way someday too. This book would be enjoyable even if you're not studying Midwifery. 
• The Midwife By: Jennifer Worth
• This book was truly impressive. It was so amazingly raw and honest. It was so good and so heartbreaking. I would sob and sob through a chapter, and then I would sob some more as I realized everything in this book was a true, real life experience. I want to highly recommend it, but I also don't want to be responsible for the heart wrenching experience you may have while reading it. Just know this book comes with a warning. It is also a good read even if Midwifery is not your subject of study.
• I also skimmed through some herbal books, and some Midwifery textbooks. And I started some other books about Midwifery, but didn't make it too far.

July 2014-August 2014

My life got very crazy around here. It took me a while to get settled back into things. When I finally got comfortable with the idea that I could spend the time on personal reading, without feeling guilty about neglecting schoolwork, I managed to make some progress. This means I finally finished A Narrative of a Revolutionary Soldier. 

This book took some patience to get through, older books tend to be like that. But I was so glad I read it. It was truly heartbreaking to read a first hand account about all that those soldiers went through. And then to read about how they were treated after the war was so heartbreaking too. Hearing his story showed me how much someone can endure and how important one man's life can be. His life was spared on so many occasions. I felt like he was truly blessed. It also made me realize what a miracle it was that we won that war. The army had so little support, and it seemed so unorganized and crazy at times. Not to mention how little those soldiers had as far as clothing, food, shelter, etc. It's simply amazing, and I am so appreciative of all that they suffered. I really recommend this book. 

I was so excited to have finished this book! It inspired me to get back on track with my reading once again. Yay! 

I also read Charlie's Monument by: Blaine M. Yorgason

Someone gave my mom this book when she lost her baby. She told me even though it didn't directly relate to her situation she found it to be very touching and comforting. It's a very quick read. It took me about a day. It was very simple, but it was very touching. There were so many parts of the book that inspired me. And the author's story about writing it is simply amazing. I would recommend reading this book. It won't take long and it is a very touching story. 

So that catches up my reading lists. I am now setting new goals, and creating a schedule that will hopefully give me time each day for school reading and personal reading. My hope is to read books every two weeks now. Of course, there will be books that I'll need more time to get through, but I'm hoping to keep that goal for the most part. Wish me luck! And happy reading to you all! :)

Doing God's Work

Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, stealing a sweet moment with my kids while working on handouts for a birth class. I find myself enjoying these moments with a lot less guilt lately, and that makes me happy. I hope I'm not shirking my responsibilities too badly, but I'm still just glad I can enjoy a moment.

I'm also trying to enjoy this moment to sit down and blog for a minute. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't spend so much time recording my experiences and thoughts on a blog. But than I think that in reality I'm recording my personal history, and the history of my family. That's not a bad thing right? Besides most the time when I blog it's because I feel very prompted to right down the thought or feeling I have. Granted sometimes I can be off on that prompting. But I do take it very seriously. Sometimes I sit on it for a few days and see if the direction to write is still there. And I also try to clear my thoughts before I finalize it with words to be sure I'm communicating the lesson I learned as best as I can.

A thought has popped into my head recently. I've watched my Heavenly Father bring several people into my life. I know he's been preparing me for things like this. Some of them were a bit of a shock, mostly because of the timing. Some I pretty much expected. Either way I'm amazed to see Him at work.

As I pondered some of these things I began to get frustrated. I was unclear as to what was supposed to be happening. I was stressed with the situation and where it was at. I was upset with myself that I could be more patient with my life. I started to wish this situation had never been brought about.

Then I thought back to an experience. Perhaps you remember me telling you about the friend I met at the birth retreat. I dropped her off in American Fork. While we were driving she was telling me how prompted she felt to ask me for a ride. She had mentioned this a couple times, but this time it struck me. I then thought, "Then that means I am doing The Lords work." I was already happy to help her out, but when I thought of that I felt an even greater comfort. He had chosen me for a task. I had almost not answered to his call, but then I did. And I was so grateful for having made that choice.

I took that lesson and applied it to the here and now. Heavenly Father has brought these people into my life. He has blessed me with so many wonderful friendships. And now instead of putting my agenda on the situation I need to stop and ask him what it is he wants of me. I know if I do that I will feel at peace no matter what happens. If I strive to bring about my will then I think I will always feel like I left something unfinished. But if I ask him what it is that he would have me do I know I will feel content no matter what the outcome may be.

I'm working hard at this everyday. Trying to figure out the things I need so I can learn and grow and create a better life for myself and my kids. I hope I can continue to listen to my Heavenly Father's promptings and do the things he wants me to do. It's not always easy, but when He asks I know it can be done

A Night Out With the Captain

Tonight I finally achieved a "mommy goal" of mine. I finally took my superhero loving boys to see "Captain America: Winter Soldier". I have to admit that I have been equally excited about keeping this date as my boys were. Why?

1. I get an excuse to enjoy a fun night out with the boys
2. I get to find some reason to make that fun night extra fun-- Captain America shirts and homemade hats.
3. I absolutely adore Captain America! It's a close tie between him and Superman. Why can't this man really exist?

I loved the movie. I mean it was a little crazy. The boys got a little antsy. I got some stares from fellow movie goers. And I did miss some scenes because of bathroom breaks, etc. But I really enjoyed it. My little conspiracy theory heart squealed a little at the plot line ;). And all around I loved it. I loved watching my boys get SO into it at the end. I loved watching one of them throw around lids like shields. All while wearing his totally awkward homemade hat. It was a good night.

But there was one thing I didn't expect: to have: a PTSD episode. It came out of no where. One little part of the movie. It lasted only a second. I saw it and felt the trigger. My brain tried to reason, "Come on Tricia, what you experienced wasn't on that level. You don't need to have PTSD over this." But slowly the trigger crept in. It almost felt like ice crawling up my arms and legs working it's way towards my heart. I had to get on top of it before it reached. I took deep breaths and whispered to myself, "Don't let it take over. This doesn't have to define you." It's been so long since I've had an episode. I haven't been in practice with staying on top. But I felt like I got it under control. And I felt like everything would be OK.

But the ride home proved me wrong. Hero movies usually amp up my "fight or flight" response. I walk out of the theater ready to take on the challenge. I'm ready to be a warrior. Come on, lets go kick some butt! Well this state of being, linked with a PTSD episode, left me a little fried. As I started to drive home I felt like I was fighting for my life. I was taking deep shaky breaths. I was on the verge of tears. I began to wonder if I needed to pull over and call someone. I tried to imagine stories in my head. I tried to imagine myself fighting. I tried to imagine someone who loved me enough to fight for me. But I know this isn't the answer. I need to love myself. I need to believe in myself. I then remembered what I needed to do. There is someone who loves me enough to help me fight. I prayed, held out my hand and turned it over to Christ. It was a great experience! It was a great reminder! Even when I don't want to give someone my burden, including him, I need to remember, that's how it's supposed to work. I felt so much warmth in my hand. I felt so strong and restored. I'm still a little shaken, but I'm going to be OK. This doesn't have to define me. It doesn't have to consume me.

As I watched the kids run all over the store, acting out their little superhero battles, there was a part of me that wanted to join them. I sometimes wish my demons were something I could just fight off physically. I know that's not easier, by far, but sometimes it feels that way. The emotional and mental battle is a war all it's own. And sometimes it's hard to not throw in the towel.

But I fought off my emotional demons. I managed to stay on top. And I managed to have a fun night out with my boys. The only true disappointment is that I don't have my own Captain America shirt ;). That's definitely one for the wish list.