Quote's That Struck a Chord

"People who engage in expressive writing report feeling happier and less negative than before writing. Similarly, reports of depressive symptoms, rumination, and general anxiety tend to drop in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals."

From "Writing to Heal"

By: James W. Pennebaker

Sometimes I doubt myself, and doing the things I love. I love writing my blogs, but I also love bringing happiness. Sometimes the those two don't get along. Internal conflict much? It's really hard. I enjoy my writing. I like to use it as an expressive art, and sometimes when I'm told that this should be hidden from the world I get a little sad inside. I feel myself tumbling in confusion as I'm asked to take responsibility for feelings that aren't under my control. But I slowly try to ground myself in my firm belief that I have conversed with my Heavenly Father, sought his counsel and direction and he has directed me on many occasions to write, express and share.

"When troubles fall within your dish,

And things don't tally with your wish:

It's just as well to laugh as cry--

To sing and joke, as moan and sigh;--

For a pound of sorrow never yet

Cancel'd a single ounce of debt."

From "A Narrative of a Revolutionary Soldier"

By: Joseph Plumb Martin

When I read this quote I really liked it. Which is funny because I can totally see hating it under different circumstances. I just thought it was a good reminder. I'm not one to deny a person their emotions, and getting upset and feeling discouraged are all normal emotions to feel at certain times-- like when someone can't find their lap top that contains 3 weeks of painstakingly completed homework. I think we should feel these emotions, let them wash over us and then release them. I usually ask my Heavenly Father to take them from me. Plus the laughter part reminded me of my dear My Little Pony Pinky Pie, who laughs at the scary things. I've actually found this to be pretty sound advice. 

Run For the Fallen

I'm not the best runner, nor have I ever been. In fact a good part of my life I just tried to accept the idea that running just "wasn't my thing". But then a switch happened. I don't know if it had to do with the people I was now associating with, or if something deep inside me couldn't keep quiet anymore and had to just scream, "I WANT TO RUN!!!" I wanted to run because. . .well. . .I thought I couldn't and if I could. . .well. . .then that would allow me to prove something amazing to myself. Does that make sense?

So I started to run. But I wasn't very good. . .at all. But I hung in there. I even found ways to convince my husband to go with me sometimes.

I started my running ventures by entering a 3K. I ran the whole way. I was so thrilled.

Then off and on I would pick up running again. I had hopes of possibly making it to a marathon or even just a half marathon. But I could never really find time to train. So I've just stuck with my 2 miles.

But this year I found it difficult to run at all. I couldn't find a time to run without feeling like I was cheating my kids of my time. I tried to get them to run with me, but we didn't even make it around the block. I don't like to get up early, but my husband won't run with me so I don't dare to go at night. I tried making quick sprints around the block, but just felt that it did little to help my running skills, so I stopped.

Then March came. My mom mentioned that they were doing a 5K run for Sergeant Wride, the officer who was killed in the line of duty not too long ago. My mom works for the county, so we all felt a little close to the tragedy, and we wanted to help. I told my mom I wanted the info so I could sign up. Then I asked my kids if they wanted to run with me. To my surprise they all said, "Yes!" So I asked my mom, who was just going to donate money, if she wanted to donate money in the name of the kids registrations. She had decided to enter as well, so we split the cost, and started practicing. This was about 3 or 4 days before the race.

I took a day to practice with the kids. It didn't start well. The jogging stroller/bike trailer had a flat wheel. So I walked it to the the gas station to pump it up. The tub had started to pop out of the tread, so I went to pry off the tread to get to the tube. Apparently you need tools to do this-- no wonder it was so hard. I got to the tube, put air in it, put it back on the rim and went to put the tread on. Well, I had put too much air in, so I struggle for a minute to let the air out. I then put it back on, and went to put the tread on, once again tools are needed and once again it was really hard. I finally got it all squared away, and we took off running. It wasn't good. The tire in the front kept vibrating which put a huge strain on my arms. The three kids were so heavy, and I was already worn out. We made it about 8 blocks I stopped at the house and tried having the kids take turns in the stroller. The front tire still vibrated like crazy, and we went about a block and a half before the tire was flat again. So I told the boys that we would just practice without the stroller. I ran up and down my block. The kids quickly lost interest. I told them to just stay at the house then. However, I found that my oldest was still trying to keep up, galoshes and all. He was so sweetly determined to practice hard for this race-- and he was so excited when I bought him tennis shoes to wear the next night. We ran a little more that afternoon, and I ran some that night. All in all, it wasn't looking good for the 5K.

The next day I woke up so sore. The worst was my right knee. It was so stiff, and it made functioning kind of hard. I still practiced with my mom that night, and the next night. But even with new tires, and efforts to go puncture proof, we ended up with another flat. My mom said she didn't think she could do the race. So it looked like I was all on my own. Just me and my boys.

We woke up early for the race, and got everything loaded up. It was freezing! And the race was at Eagle Mountain which means it was freezing + windy beyond belief. Registration was a mess, and we had more mishaps with the strollers and the tires. This time it led to a broken van key. So my husband and my mom headed to fix the van key while I headed up to the start line with the three kids and a stroller. We made it up safely, but then had to scrounge about for missing pieces of the stroller. But, amazingly, we got it all together and got ready to start the race. My kids switched off, and once again my oldest inspired me. He was so determined to run the whole way, and he pushed himself hard. I was so incredibly proud of him! I practically had to beg him to get in the stroller so he could rest, and each time I tried to explain that it wasn't a bad thing and he was doing great. I was so proud of myself too. Even after all the hang ups of practice I managed to jog the whole way, except for stroller switch out's with the kids. It certainly helped that the race was downhill.

Shortly after we hit the half way mark my knee started to act up again. I managed to make it a little further by simply putting pressure in different places. But when I was about a block and half from the finish line it was a total loss. I was determined to run the whole way though, and I limped/jogged the last block or so and across the finish line.

It was freezing, my leg hurt and going up and down hills was pretty much an impossibility, but we did it. I proved something to myself, and the boys proved something to me. We all have what it takes to stick with it. I was so proud of us all!

The kids were a little upset about not actually winning, though I think they were all winners. We managed to get some prizes, but this didn't cheer them all up. Oh well. Hopefully one day they know how incredibly honored I felt to claim them as mine that day. Not that I don't feel honored everyday, but. . .well. . .you know what I mean.